Have Great Morning Sex

For most of the working world, the blaring of the alarm clock isn't a happy sound. So why not turn that rude awakening into an erotic opportunity with a roll in the 400-thread-count hay?

"Having sex in the morning releases the feel-good chemical oxytocin, which makes couples feel loving

and bonded all day long," says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good. It makes you stronger and more beautiful too: Morning sex can strengthen your immune system for the day by enhancing your levels of IgA, an antibody that protects against infection. And climaxing releases chemicals that boost levels of estrogen, which improves the tone and texture of your skin and hair. Want to max out the morning love? Follow these tips:

Give him a sexy wake up call

Set your alarm to play soft music, and as soon as you're roused, quietly slip out of your pj's. Then try this trick: If he's lying on his back, place your hands on his thighs with your thumbs pointing toward his genitals, suggests acupuncturist Alexis Arvidson. Move your thumbs in a slow, firm circular motion, two inches in diameter. According to the ancient teachings of acupuncture, rubbing this thin-skinned area will get the blood flowing straight to his nether regions. Well, isn't that convenient, since that's where you're headed next!

Get Fresh!

Sneaking off to the bathroom to brush your teeth can do more than ward off dragon breath. "Not only will your kisses be minty, but the menthol in your toothpas

te can give your guy a tingly thrill during oral sex," Herbenick says. Focus on the head of his penis and his scrotal skin, two nerve-rich areas. Just note: It takes a few minutes for the effects of menthol to work, so be patient—he may not feel

it at first.

Enjoy The View

Part of what makes morning sex so deliciously primal is that, in the light of day, it's difficult to hide your so-

called flaws. So let your insecurities take a backseat to pure, unadulterated pleasure, and instead of covering up under the blankets, throw them off

so you can both get a visual thrill. He'll bask in the eye candy, and you will too: Studies conducted by Emory University found that women are just as visually aroused as men during sex.

Take Advantage of Nature

Your guy's body is hardwired to want sex first thing in the a.m. (hello, morning wood!). "While he sleeps, the testosterone he'll use for the upcoming day accumulates," says Gabrielle Lichterman, author of 28 Days. "Fro

m the time he wakes up, he has a three-hour window when he's brimming with peak levels." Don't let them go to waste: Hop aboard his primed body for some girl-on-top action.

Boost Your Animal Lust

As soon as you're awake,

snuggle up to your guy and take a whiff. Because he hasn't showered yet, you'll feel extra turned on by his au naturel scent. According to scientists at the University of Pennsylvania, a man's musky underarm odor is a proven libido booster. Really, you can't make this stuff up!

Try A Cozy Move

Since you'll both be groggy, try a position that requires little to no effort: spooning. "While you're facing away from your guy, part your legs and guide him inside you," says New York City-based sex and marital

therapist Jane Greer, Ph.D. "His hands will be free to roam all of your hot spots, and he can whisper in your ear."

Install A Double Head Shower

Taking a shower togethe

r sounds romantic and all, but let's get real: There's room under the water for only one person at a time. Fix that by getting a double showerhead (available at any home-goods store). Then crank up the water temp; heat brings blood to the skin's surface, making it more receptive to touch. And soap each other up with peppermint shower gel; the scent wakes you up as it triggers the same nerves that are activated by smelling salts, says research from Wheeling Jesuit University in West Virginia.

Have A Quickie

Sunrise sex doesn't have to be a drawn-out affair. In fact, "mornings are the perfect time to indulge in a quickie, because you'll probably be in a rush, and the heart-pounding adrenaline of spontaneous sex will intensify the entire experience," Greer says.

Pounce on him when he least expects it (say, while he's stepping out of the shower, getting dressed, or making breakfast). And you can ditch foreplay this time—studies published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that if women ignore outside distractions (for example, the television, their laptops), they can start to become aroused in 30 seconds flat. Keep in mind: Quickies don't necessarily have to include intercourse. A hot-and-heavy makeout session, copping a fast feel, or letting him catch you checking out his butt before you dash out the door for work will go a long way toward igniting your passion.

Author: Elise Nersesian

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/morning-sex?cm_mmc=Newsletter-_-2010_Mar_22-_-Dose-_-readon

Ways You Can Love Your Husband HIS Way

Discuss this list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful to him and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as

a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions. -unknown author

For the most part, you probably don't have to "go over the list" with your hubby. You know what your husband likes and dislikes like are hopefully, but if uncertain, please by all means ask! Communication extremely important in marriage. These 20 ways are ALL important. Try and keep them as a reminder. Wives, this is just a reminder/refresher, especially for the ones who have been married for several years. Let's not lose heart or focus. ~Lady A~

1. Respectfully communicate with him.

2. Let him know he’s important to you.

3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.

4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.

5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)

6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.

7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (Dave Ramsey)

8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.

9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.

10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.

11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion and giving him time to adjust.

12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.

13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.

14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.

15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.

16. Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. So try to make the first few minutes a positive experience. (And then ease into the negative if it’s necessary.)

17. Give him half an hour to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)

18. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your husband.

19. Compliment him often.

20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.

Unknown author

www.marriagemission.com

Read more: http://mylivesignature.com/wizard2_2.php#ixzz0iXaZ6nMM

inspire |inˈspīr|verb [ trans. ]1 fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, esp. to do something creative : [ trans. ] his passion for romantic literature inspired him to begin writing | [as adj. ] ( inspiring) so far, the scenery is not very inspiring. See note at encourage .• create (a feeling, esp. a positive one) in a person : their past record doesnot inspire confidence.

As wives we often put everyone first. Husbands needs, children, family, and the list is endless. We are still early in the year of 2010, let us keep focus on self and set a goal to have consistent inspirational attitude toward ourselves. What inspire you at one time? Don't lose it. Keep the zeal going in your heart because it will show on the outer. No strength or just plain tired? Not only prayer, but making a journal of all your hopes, dreams and desires will help stir up the passion again.
Golden Wives, never give up on yourself. You have too many gifting and talents inside of you to just let it die or remain dormant. Remember, timing is everything, so prepare yourself. How? Glad you asked. Keep the vision before you by simply having a list or even make mini projects. Continue to help others and you never know how the favor maybe returned back to you.Keep yourself looking nice and you must make time for you. No excuses!
Let this year for us wives be peaceful, full of hope, and wonderful blessings that we didn't expect flowing our way. It will happen for you, just BELIEVE!
I"m Back!



Read more: http://mylivesignature.com/wizard2_2.php#ixzz0iHMRgP0R

Thank You Everyone For the Love!!

My dear readers (if I have any left). I was out sick and ended up in the hospital the whole month of January! I am still recuperating and taking it one day at a time. I am here and we will continue Golden Wives Club because it is my passion. However I need to take this time to heal properly and focus on my health.

Please bare with me. I miss you all like crazy! I see I have a couple of new followers. New comers, I will be up and running again, so just bare with me and enjoy reading. Welcome new followers and silent readers!

I can't give a time when I will be back, but please know we will be up and running again asap.

I love you all and God bless you all.

PS

I read everyone's comment and thank you again for the prayers, love and support!

MUAH!

Happy New Year Everyone!/I'm sick but will be back!

I know I said I will be back posting in Jan.2010, but who knew I would be sick with the H1N1! Yup, thought it wouldn't happen to me but it did. Worst thing ever. So I just wanted to let you all know I'll be back when I'm over it. Had it since Dec.24 and got worst. I haven't moderated any comments yet, but I will soon. So if you sent a comment, it will be posted. Give me time please.

I miss you all and love you all. Thanks for understanding.

Lady A

See You Jan. 2010!

Hello lovely peoples! I would like to thank each and every one of you who are followers, silent followers, stalkers, readers, viewers and supporters of this blog. However, due to the holiday season and all that is going on, I will not be posting on this blog until Jan. 2010.

Therefore, I'm taking a nice break from ALL of my blogs. I want to come back refreshed, renewed, rejuvenated, and have fresh new material for you all.

Some of you all may know that I manage 5 blogs. Well, I will now condense them down to 3!

Thank you all again for the love and support. Special shout out to all my commentors! I appreciate it. I hope and trust that everyone will have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Be safe, I love you all, and let 2010 be the best year from now on out. Live your life to the fullest in Jesus name! Amen!

See you all next year! (Sounds far doesn't it, lol!)

10 Eating Tips for a Healthy Holiday Season

Food is an important part of many holidays, celebrations, family and cultural traditions.In fact, special occasions often center around food. As a result, many people gain a little (or a lot of) weight between Thanksgiving and the New Year. What’s to blame? Perhaps it’s all the tempting treats available during the holiday season or the pressure from family, friends, and co-workers to overeat. Maybe it’s the increased emotional eating (whether it be from holiday stress or holiday joy) or the extreme laxity with eating and physical activity regimens in anticipation for the strict “new diet and exercise plan” you’re going to start January 1st. Regardless of the reasons, it is not necessary to avoid holiday festivities in an attempt to maintain your weight. Consider these 10 tips for fully enjoying the holiday season without gaining weight!

1. Focus on weight maintenance vs. weight loss during the holidays. If you are currently overweight and want to lose weight, this is not the time to do it. Maintenance of your present weight is a big enough challenge during the holiday season. Don’t set yourself up for failure by making unrealistic goals for yourself.

2. Plan on NOT dieting after the New Year. Anticipation of food restriction sets you up for binge-type eating over the holidays (“after all, if I’m never going let myself eat this again after Jan. 1st, I might as well eat as much as possible now!”) Besides, restrictive diets don’t work in the long run. They increase your loss of lean body mass vs. fat, slow down your metabolism, increase anxiety, depression, food preoccupation, and binge eating, and make weight re-gain more likely.

3. Be physically active every day. Often, students’ busy holiday schedules (or lack of structured schedules) bump them off their exercise routines. Physical activity, especially aerobic activities (like brisk walking, jogging, bicycling, roller blading, and swimming) can help relieve stress, regulate appetite, and burn up extra calories from holiday eating.

4. Eat a light snack before going to holiday parties. It is not a good idea to arrive at a party famished. Not only are you more likely to overeat, but you are also less likely to resist the temptation of eating the higher fat and higher calorie foods. Try eating a piece of fruit, a small carton of yogurt, or a string cheese before you go.

5. Make a plan. Think about where you will be, who you will be with, what foods will be available, what foods are really special to you (that you really want to eat) vs. those that you could probably do without, what are your personal triggers to overeat and how can you minimize them. Once you've thought about all of these things, make a plan of action. It's much easier to deal with a difficult social eating situation if you've already planned for it.

6. Take steps to avoid recreational eating. While some foods are more calorie-dense than others, no food will make you gain weight unless you eat too much of it. At parties and holiday dinners, we tend to eat (or keep eating) beyond our body’s physical hunger simply because food is there and eating is a “social thing.” To avoid recreational eating, consciously make one plate of the foods you really want. Eat it slowly--enjoying and savoring every tasty bite. Then, when you’re done, pop a mint or stick of gum in your mouth, get a tall glass of water and sip on it throughout the night, or position yourself away from the buffet table or food trays to keep yourself from overeating.

7. Reduce the fat in holiday recipes. There are plenty of low fat and low calorie substitutes that are amazingly tasty. Try using applesauce in place of oil in your favorite holiday breads; use egg substitutes in place of whole eggs; try plain nonfat yogurt in place of sour cream. Magazines are full of reduced calorie and reduced fat holiday recipes. Give them a try, and share your cooking creations with friends and family.

8. Choose your beverages wisely. Alcohol is high in calories. Liquors, sweet wines and sweet mixed drinks contain 150-450 calories per glass. By contrast, water and diet sodas are calorie-free. If you choose to drink, select light wines and beers, and use non-alcoholic mixers such as water and diet soda. Limit your intake to 1 or 2 alcoholic drinks per occasion. And, watch out for calories in soda, fruit punch, and egg nog as well.

9. Enjoy good friends and family. Although food can be a big part of the season, it doesn’t have to be the focus. Holidays are a time to reunite with good friends and family, to share laughter and cheer, to celebrate and to give thanks. Focus more on these other holiday pleasures, in addition to the tastes of holiday foods. The important thing to remember is balance and moderation. It’s OK to eat too much once in a while. Just relax, enjoy the holidays, and remember what the season is all about.

10. Maintain perspective: Overeating one day won't make or break your eating plan. And it certainly won't make you gain weight! It takes days and days of overeating to gain weight. If you over-indulge at a holiday meal, put it behind you. Return to your usual eating plan the next day without guilt or despair ?

Happy Holidays!

--Created by Sheri Barke, MPH, RD 2002

Shopping and Preparing For The Holidays

It's that time of year again. From Black Friday to preparing Christmas dinner, the hustle and bustle is on from now til January. Getting the home ready, putting up the tree, buying gifts, wrapping gifts, sending out Christmas cards, calling love ones checking in, and even hair/nail appointments, seems like the list never ends. It's best to shop early as possible. If you are a heavy shopper then you might need to consider to take a day off from your job. Let your theme be "Keep It Simple" when shopping. You can start by writing a list from family/friends to gifts and items that need to be brought. Make sure your list is very detail and as you complete each one, don't forget to check it off. If you are going to purchase an expensive gift, try and call around to different stores for prices. You might find it cheaper then what you anticipated on spending. Check your local newspaper for sales and coupons. This will help and make it easier on the pockets. Again, I highly encourage everyone to shop first thing in the morning. Lines are shorter, crowds are smaller and the store is more organized.

This is the time to keep everything organized and reasonable. Try and delegate holiday responsibilities to your husband and children (if you have any). You want to enjoy and have peace during this busy time of year. If you have older children, get them to participate more and make it fun. Teach your 5 year old how to wrap daddy's Christmas gift. Hang Christmas stockings (or whatever tradition you do this time of year) and have your children to decorate them.

If you do not have children, then there are plenty of things to do with other couples. Invite a few good married couples over and fellowship. Make if fun! Have everyone to bring a dish (make it easier on you *wink*), provide drinks and maybe an appetizer or two. Try and make a signature Christmas drink that everyone will enjoy and talk about. Hot apple cider, egg nog, creamy latte, or hot coco with a peppermint stick would do the trick! Play fun creative hands on games, go see a Christmas play at a church (free), watch a movie, or carpool to see the Christmas lights and have dessert afterwards. Just be creative. Who knows maybe this could be a start of a Christmas gathering at your house!

Whatever you do, remember to "Keep It Simple" and enjoy and embrace the season. If plans don't follow through, don't sweat it, just have a plan b. Don't sweat the small things. When it's all said and done, you want to have you sanity.

All that you do or don't get to do, don't stress it! Make the best out of it.

Yours Truly,

Lady A

Certain Things Need To Be Done In Private

Thought you could 'reveal' yourself to your spouse. Did your really think you could take off your wig, weave, lashes, makeup, girdle or whatever else you use to beautify yourself without him saying anything. If this is done, just be prepared to hear him complaining about it through conversation, argument, or the most embarrassing way, to his friend(s) or family.

Wives, please do certain beauty treatments in private. Believe it or not, this will save you later on and your husband will appreciate this (though he may never mention it). Husbands don't always understand the extent we go through for beauty and why. They may not understand why we have to use primer on our faces before we apply makeup, or placing a tight stocking cap on your head before you put your wig on. All they see is you looking like a pale ghost or a potential burglar. You may not want your husband seeing certain things that you do to be beautiful. It probably will freak them out and scar them. Having hair rollers, facial mask, body wraps, using mayo as hair conditioner, do-it-yourself home relaxers, hair color and whatever crazy home beauty treatments you may do, please try and have a set time when it's in your best interest.

Because I wear a lot of weaves and sometimes wigs, I do my hair when my hubby is out of the house. When he comes home, VIOLA! A new woman. He doesn't need to see the process. Or if I want to soak in the bath tub with vinegar (it smells funky, but is the best with body odor), I try and make sure he will be downstairs, basement, or going out with friends. I find it best to do all of my personal girly stuff on Sunday, why....FOOTBALL!!! My husband is glued to the t.v. and will not move off the couch.

Now let's be reasonable. There are several beauty treatments that I do with him around OR beauty treatments that I have him to help me out with. Wives, be your own judge on this. Some husbands may not mind seeing you transform from hot mess to beauty queen. You just have to know.

Again, use your own judgement. No one knows your husband better than you. If you are not sure if your home beauty treatments bother your husband then here are a few clues:

• Funny, dirty, questionable looks on his face
• Asking annoying questions in an irritate voice tone ie, "what's that smell?, what is that?, what is that for? why do you do that?, do you have to do that?, what the heck?"
• Complaining of hair/beauty treatment
• Grunts or rude moans when he sees you in your hair/beauty treatment regimen
• Sarcastic remarks

Wives, just be mindful when doing your hair/beauty treatments. Husbands don't need to know and see everything. Have and keep some mystery to yourself. This also helps the 'chase' of it all. We do want our hubby's to still chase us, so let the games continue!

Yours truly,

Resist Humor At Your Partner's Expense

Humor is a gift. Through humor, we lighten our daily load, gain perspective on our many flaws, and keep from taking thing too seriously. The ability to laugh at ourselves moves us toward balanced self-awareness.

But humor can also turn you on your head. What is funny to one person may be deeply offensive to another. What on person may intend as a lighthearted quip may inadvertently touch on another person's pain.

Perhaps most upsetting, however, is humor aimed at a life partner. Many couples develop a pattern of teasing on another in the company of others. Sometimes it's a way to show how well they know one another. Sometimes it's an attempt to avoid actual criticism of their partner, even though what they're communicating is, in fact, critical. Some couples use humor in private, as well, and sometimes to good effect. If you have something serious to say to or about your partner, humor can take the edge off and make it palatable.

In any case, you need to remember that humor-especially teasing- can transform a moment for the better, but it can also be transformed by the moment in which it is heard. What you say in jest may be taken in deadly seriousness. This is true with any other person-especially your life partner.

For example, your partner may make fun of an extended family member in private as a way of coping with unresolved negative feelings. When you do the same in front of others, you suddenly find yourself in trouble. His negative feelings don't change the fact that the person you're poking fun at is a family member who has played an important role in his life. It's easy to trip over someone else's feelings when you choose to tease.

Always reconsider any joke at your sweetheart's expense. Many jokes at someone else's expense are not received with as much good humor as it may seem. You may be touching on a vulnerability. Go gently, and keep your antennae tuned. Make a point of asking your partner about his feelings related to your teasing at a moment other than when you're joking. If you;re going to risk poking fun be prepared to apologize if your joking backfires.

Humor is indeed a gift, but it requires sensitivity, compassion, and self-restraint. In the interest of fair play, if you're going to ask your partner to be the fall guy, you had better be willing to play that role yourself. In fact, if you're determined to make someone the butt of a joke, maybe it should be you.--Richard Carlosn

Divide The Labor

Keeping a household running smoothly and with a minimum of stress involves management and cooperation. Even so, stress crops up over household matters, and no matter what how small the issues, perspective can be hard to maintain when the irritations are staring you in the face every time that you come home. It's worth some creative action to keep theses small matters in their place.

For example, when couples divide up their household labor in the early days of living together, they may decide who does what based on the traditions of their parents households or according to perceived individual preferences and strenghts. Often, however, these early decisions leave something to be desired. Perceived strengths turn out to be not so strong, preferences change, and the parental model doesn't apply by virtue of a different era, different personalities, and a different style of life. Stress develops.

Stress can also grow out of the simple human need for variety and revitalization. Household chores can be remarkably unrewarding.

Clothes are no sooner laundered than they are back in the hamper. The day after a good dusting, surfaces look fuzzy again. There's no keeping the kitchen sink free of dirty dishes.

Something as simple as periodically trading off household jobs can have a remarkably positive effect. It offsets boredom, brings a fresh eye to various chores, and gives each partner a greater appreciation for what the other does. You may create some fresh energy, as well, if you turn a solo job into a team effort from time to time. In addition to cutting the labor in half, you gain the pleasure of being together.

Maybe most invigoration of all-not to mention most loving-consider giving one another periodic vacations. One partner may agree to carry the whole load for a week. Or partners my decided that some part of the household work can go without attention for a little while. Better yet, if resources allow, a couple may want to hire someone to do what they usually manage themselves.

Whatever your solutions, keep household business out to the stress zone by giving it some creative attention. It's not worth fighting about it.---Richard Carlson

Working Through Your Holiday Expectations

As a newly married couple, how will you spend your first Thanksgiving, your first Christmas, and perhaps, every family holiday after that? If you are a couple in your early twenties, you are somewhat fresh out of the nest. Until now, you have most likely spent Christmas and Thanksgiving with your own family, and it’s been a warm time with fond memories and traditions. Now you have two sets of parents to consider, and each may hope you spend it with them.

You’ve probably seen movies in which this scenario is played out Hollywood style, i.e. the relationship of a sweet and happy newlywed couple gets severely tested with fights, hurt feelings, and estrangement over family holidays —only to be wonderfully resolved in 1 1/2 hours! For some couples, such a scenario is reality (except for the 1 1/2 hour resolve time!)

It’s discomforting to make choices between loved ones on such occasions, and it might be this way for you until you become parents and begin to develop your own family holiday events.

Sometimes the question is not only where you spend holidays but also how you spend them. You may have different styles of doing Christmas. One, for example, may think Christmas is pagan —no trees or presents allowed! The other may get ecstatic over decorating a tree with a zillion ornaments, piling gifts to the ceiling, and leaving cookies out for Santa Claus!

Likewise, Easter can be a time of purely celebrating Christ’s resurrection or it can be a time of little or no spiritual content —a time of chocolate bunnies and Easter egg hunts. So, what do you do? Let’s find out!

Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter:

1. Describe your family’s (or your) style of doing:

• Thanksgiving:
• Christmas:
• Easter:

3. How will you handle subsequent family holidays?

4. Do you anticipate issues or problems with your parents over your holiday choices? Explain.

5. How important is it to celebrate Christmas with a tree and all the lights, decorations, stockings, etc.?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

6. How important is gift giving at Christmas?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

7. Do you want to celebrate Christmas with a manger scene and other biblical depictions?

Santa Claus and reindeer?

8. Will you promote Santa Claus (even as pretend time) to your children?

9. What are your views on promoting the Santa Claus story to children?

Halloween:

9. Explain your views about Halloween.

10. Will you let your children dress in costumes and go trick-or-treating? If so, what kind of costumes will you permit?

11. What are your views about a church-sponsored event on Halloween?

Anniversaries and Birthdays:

12. How important is celebrating anniversaries?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

How important is gift giving on anniversaries?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

How important is celebrating birthdays?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

How important is gift giving on birthdays?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

13. Explain how you want to celebrate anniversaries.

14. Explain how you want to celebrate birthdays.

15. If you have differences regarding holidays and other special occasions, how are you resolving these differences?

Parting thoughts about anniversaries:

For women, more so than for men, anniversaries are very special occasions full of meaning and importance, and women want their spouses to remember their anniversary without any hints. Women look forward to special treatment on these occasions —flowers, intimate, thoughtful gifts such as jewelry or perfume (not cookware or vacuum cleaners), dinner at a nice restaurant, and other such things.

Women want to know they are deeply loved and esteemed. Anniversaries are a time when the expectation for such affirmation is at its highest. It behooves a husband to know his wife in this matter. These things are so important to women that they are easily wounded by careless neglect and forgetfulness. Moreover, the wounds and pain can stay within them a very, very long time —even years.---http://www.marriagemissions.com/category/marriage-preparation-materials/

Called To Encourage Your Husband

Every woman is given a power that can bring about change, growth, and the fulfillment of potential in another person, especially a significant man in her life.

There are many women who try to encourage the men in their lives, and even think they are doing so. But it’s difficult to be an encourager if we don’t understand what encouragement really means.

To be an encourager you need to have an attitude of optimism. The American Heritage Dictionary has one of the better definitions of the word. It’s a “tendency or disposition to expect the best possible outcome, or to dwell on the most hopeful aspect of a situation. When this is your attitude or perspective, you’ll be able to encourage others. Encouragement is to “inspire; to continue on a chosen course; to impart courage or confidence.”

Encouragement is recognizing the other person as having worth and dignity. It means paying attention to them when they are sharing with you. It’s listening to them in a way that lets them know they’re being listened to.

The road to a person’s heart is through the ear. Men and women today have few people who really listen. When someone is talking most of us are often more concerned about what we are going to say when the other person stops talking. And this is a violation of Scripture. James tells all of us, men and women alike, to “be a ready listener.” Proverbs 18:13 states, “He who answers a matter before he hears the facts, it is folly and shame to him.”

Sometimes in an attempt to be an encourager, you end up crossing the line and become a pleaser. But that’s not the only line that can be crossed. We need to consider the worst things you could do for you and for him.

Avoid becoming a controller in your relationship and also avoid letting yourself be controlled . Sometimes one partner ends up being smothered by the other. Allowing this to happen is no way to encourage someone! If you end up letting the other person control you, the result is you end up feeling unnecessary. Total dependence on another is not the way Christ has called us to live. Jesus has called us to equality, not domination. Jesus called us to willingly serve one another, not just one to serve the other.

From the passage in Ephesians 5:22-31 and from the creation account, it’s possible to discover what a husband needs from his wife. As we look at the early chapters of Genesis we see he needs a woman of strength, a helper who will respond to his leadership as he sets out to subdue and populate the earth, Nancy Groom in her book Married without Masks states, “Adam (even after the Fall) would have been disappointed if Eve had refused to engage with him as his partner in the work God had called both of them to do. He did not need a slave; he needed a woman who knew who she was and was confident in her gifts. An alive, vibrant woman gives zest and excitement to her husband’s life. He needs that.”

Remember this fact: One of the main causes for the death of love on the part of one person for another is when their partner controls and dominates them.

Look at what God’s Word says: “For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither slave not free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:27-28, NASB).

Servanthood is the model of leadership that Jesus is teaching. Remember that the only way that you can really encourage another person in a healthy way is to be sure that you encourage yourself. And you can do this because of knowing who you are in Jesus Christ.

The best way to be healthy as well as to be an encourager in a relationship is to be healthily independent or interdependent. The person whose identity is found through others often ends up with relationships that are addictive.

• Dependency in relationships is not a Christian calling except for being dependent upon God, which all men and women are called to be.

• An independent woman thrives on individuality, few restrictions, and self-gratification. She finds her identity through herself.

• But there is a third option called interdependence. The interdependent woman has a strong sense of personhood and bases this upon being affirmed by God. She knows she has been given gifts and is willing to use them, but she can also rely upon others. This woman views others as her equal and also values herself. Are you dependent, independent, or interdependent woman?

In Free to Be God’s Woman, Jan Congo gives four options in which to view ourselves and others. A dependent woman says, “I am nothing and you are nothing,” or “I am nothing but you are a person of worth and dignity.” The independent woman says, “I am a person of worth and dignity.” The independent woman says, “I am a person of worth and dignity but you are expendable.” The interdependent woman says, “I am a person of worth and dignity, and you are a person of worth and dignity.”

The interdependent woman allows herself and others the freedom to grow and be in process. She has role flexibility. She is relying on God’s expectations for herself rather than others. She enters into relationships with others but she does not restrict them nor is she responsible for them. She discovers the value of commitment.

Encouraging a husband does not mean that you become so absorbed in your husband that your identity and value come from him. It’s not becoming a doormat with no ideas, opinions, or voice, nor does it mean becoming an appeasing woman. Encouragement is not manipulation either. It’s not done for the purpose of reshaping him for your own dreams, desires, or wishes. Absorption, appeasement, and manipulation are actually forms of control.

Avoid mothering the man in your life. Let me say it another way. Never, but never mother a man. When you act like a mother you can’t encourage him. Treating an adult like a child is demeaning and makes you a controller! And if you mother him he will continue to act in a way that makes you continue to want to mother him and on and on and on.

How do mothers sound? Well for one thing they remind. They actually make the other person (child or adult) rely on them to bail them out. Anyway, why should the other person stop forgetting when he has someone who will remind him?

Similar to reminding is another approach. It’s called rescuing. How do you know if you tend to be a rescuer? Think about these factors.

• Would that man be incapable of functioning in his daily life without your help? If so, don’t rescue. Encourage growth.

• Do you tend to be stronger than him? If so, don’t reinforce his weaknesses and foster dependency. Find his potential and encourage growth.

• Does he tend to be unhappy unless you’re doing something for him? If so, don’t play this game. Encourage by showing you believe in his capability to do it himself.

• Does he make excuses for himself or do you make excuses for him? Remember excuses cripple and perpetuate helplessness.

But aren’t you to love another person by helping and serving? Yes, but it can become rescuing when you believe that it’s your responsibility to solve his problems or protect him from the results of what he’s done.

Rescuing doesn’t work. It doesn’t promote growth or change. It doesn’t help your man grow. It’s another word for fixing. Loving encouragement means support, being available, cooperative, and sympathetic. When you follow through with these you’re sending the message, “I believe in you. I believe in your capability to be responsible, mature, and an adult!”

Don’t do anything for your man that he should be (meaning capable of) doing for himself. If he asks you for something, and you’re used to getting it for him, let him get it for himself. Don’t make suggestions. Don’t pick up after him. Don’t bail him out of experiencing consequences. Yes, it probably means that your life could be a bit more frustrating. But you need to stick to your commitment. If you hear complaints let him know you know he’s capable of assuming the responsibility himself. You may be the first person in his life to show a belief that he can be different. Treat him as though he is reliable. I’ve seen so many women who end up being the clock, calendar, key finder, garbage reinforcer, and appointment regulator. Don’t rescue! Don’t bail him out!

In counseling I’ve dealt with men like this. As we discuss together the situation the dialogue goes something like this:

Norm: John, you have a fairly responsible job, don’t you?

John: Yes I do. I’ve been there three years now.

Norm: And you’ve received a couple of promotions, haven’t you?

John: Yes, one just recently.

Norm: John, when you’re at work who is it that reminds you of what to do, when to do it, how to do your job?

John: Well, no one. I can handle all that myself. I don’t need reminders.

Norm: So you don’t need any kind of reminders or support like that at work?

John: No.

Norm: I guess my question is what’s the difference? Why are you so different at work? You’re competent, reliable, functional, and you follow through. At home you’re just the opposite. It appears that you’re making a choice. You have the capability, and you choose to be that way at work. At home you have the same capability, but choose not to use it at home. I wonder what kind of message you’re sending to your wife?

If a man is functional at work and not at home, there’s some kind of game playing going on that needs to be exposed and stopped.

Sometimes a man may not act capable because of other reasons such as the fear of failure. When a man fails in one area, he will take on only “safe” tasks. Why should he attempt something that carried with it the uncertainty of risk? Therefore, some men will pull back from activities over which they don’t maintain a high degree of control or in which they aren’t certain of success.

Hebrews 3:13 says we’re to “encourage one another every day.” In the setting of this verse, encouragement is associated with protecting the believer from callousness.

Hebrews 10:25 says, “Let us encourage one another.” This time the word means to keep someone on their feet who, if left to himself, would collapse. Your encouragement serves like the concrete pilings of a structural support.

One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 12:25. “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but an encouraging word makes it glad.”

One man described why he felt encouraged. He said, “I was reading the Scriptures one day and found this passage. It summed it up better than I could say it.” “A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.”(Proverbs 31:10-21, MSG)

Hopefully you’re already encouraging the man in your life. The results may amaze you!

http://www.marriagemissions.com/category/for-married-women/

Business Wife in Effect/Polish Your Act

Does your management style need a face lift?

Top managers must be able to relate to and motivate many different personality types. And women – with our inherent empathy and communication skills – are taking the helm in redefining leadership. But if you haven't adapted your style since the era when the more masculine, top-down management systems reigned, it may be time to re-evaluate your effectiveness as a leader. Here are five signs it's time to take some drastic measures to update your management technique:

1. "Because I Said So"

Are you constantly telling people what to do and expecting them to follow orders without explanations, motivation or input? Are you surprised when they don't do what they are told – or don't do it with much enthusiasm? Today's employees are accustomed to working with collaborative leaders. Rather than saying, "Here is what we are going to do," try, "How can we do this?" Incorporate their suggestions into the plan and give credit where due.

2. Gotcha!

Are you a card-carrying member of MBWA (Management by Walking Around)? Is the perception that you are walking around to catch people doing something wrong? The next time you stroll through your office, have a purpose. Look for opportunities to interact with team members. Catch them doing something right and provide positive feedback.

3. Ms. Know-It-All

Experienced managers who have weathered all types of economic conditions understand what it is like to work with a slim staff or no staff when they had no choice. Today's business climate calls for leaders who ask the right questions. Resist the temptation to share all your knowledge, and try something new. Rather than providing your team with the answers, ask them the right questions and brainstorm ideas as a group – or at least ask for feedback to your idea. When problem-solving, there is always strength in numbers. And the team whose input is solicited and respected will go the extra mile to make the solution work.

4. Information Control

Are you hoarding information that should be accessible to members of your organization? Are you afraid if others have this information you will lose control? Knowledge is still power, but today's successful managers recognize the value of sharing information. The ability to rely on and coach individuals is highly valued in today's workplace. When promoting employees to senior management roles, companies seek candidates with strong mentoring skills.

5. Stretching Your Style

The older we get, the more set we become in our ways. A rigid style might have worked for you in the past, but today's workers value flexibility. No one expects you to be able to do a back bend. However, with a little bit of stretching, you should be able to add flexibility to your management style. It takes practice. The next time an employee approaches you with a valid situation, find a way to grant her request – or at least compromise. Little by little you can work on flexing your management style so that it feels comfortable for both you and your employees.
By Roberta Chinsky Matuson

Help! My Husband Won't Get Rid Of His Mistress

It's unfortunate that in some marriages wives have to deal with the 'other woman'. The other woman should be his mother, but that 's not always the case. Wives, marriage is not for the weak at heart or for the faint. You must be ROOTED in the word of God and have Christ as your solid foundation. There is more. We must walk in love, love the unlovable and be patience. How many are willing to do this in a marriage? So easy when everything is going well and your husband loves on you, but what about if he is loving someone else? Taking care of someone else mentally, physically, financially, and soul? Giving her the respect, affection, love, attention, conversation that you well deserve. All you may get is a hi and bye, and not even a peck on the check. Or the children get more love from your husband. Hurtfully, huh? No one wants to go through or deal with something like this, but there are a lot of wives who are.

IF YOU WANT YOUR MARRIAGE:
First, you must be strong enough to stand for your marriage. The key is to ask God for more of His grace. Ask the lord to shield your heart and ask the Lord to love on you more. It's best to get your love from the one true love, God, and not something/someone else. Ask for strength to get through this season. Just know that there is victory at the end! Pray for your spouse as your brother, not husband. Deception may have the best of him now, but God will reveal and deal with your husband in His timing. Fast if the Lord is leading you to do so. This is a spiritual fight and you need to be sensitive to the voice of the Lord. If He says, praise, then praise, if He says fast, then turn down your plate, if He says pray in tongues, anoint your husband's shoes etc, then be obedient and do it!

Some husbands may want you to agree with his extra marital affair. There are even some wives who may even 'find' a woman for their husband's fetish and be okay with it. These wives mentality are, "I rather know who he's doing it with and know she is ......" I recall one relative of mine putting condoms in her husband's suitcase every time he would go away on a business or R&R trip. She said that she rather for him to be safe and not bring a disease home to her. Either way, it's still wrong and not pleasing in the eyes of the Lord. Do not condone this behavior in anyway. Stand for truth and righteousness.

Just because you stay with your spouse doesn't mean you are agreeing with his affair. You are agreeing with the vows you took before God. You promised God that you will stay married and love, keep, honor your husband through the good and bad, through sickness and through strength, etc...So this is the bad. So don't let people or naysayers say that you are 'stupid, dumb' for staying in the marriage when it maybe evident that he has someone else. Walking in love is not always easy. You will know the true meaning of unconditional love when the season of infidelity is over.

Get in God's presence and surround yourself with positive uplifting people. During this time, keep your mouth shut! If you don't want to hear it being repeated, then close it.

Also, I deeply encourage to get the book, 'Power of A Praying Wife'. This book hit all areas concerning the husband. Remember all prayers you pray over your spouse will not return void! Prayer changes things *wink*

IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR MARRIAGE:

Then you need to allow God to heal your heart. Don't be quick to make a lifetime decision off of emotions. Calm down, stay calm and allow the Lord to love on you. He knows how you are feeling. The hurt, betrayal, anguish, anxiety, pain, confusion, fear, insecure, doubt, alone and the list goes on....please release all those negative feelings and receive God's peace, love, healing, security, clarity, and all of whatever you need. Fear not! For God has your best interest at heart. Let this time allow you to draw closer to God and watch Him bring you out. No, it's not an overnight process, it takes time. If you are willing, then God can do so much more for you and your family. Don't fight your husband because all that is going to do is push him away further. Just allow God to use you and show him love.

If your husband wants a divorce, then be still. If the divorce papers are there and he wants to be free, then you must release him. If this is the case then be free and just know that it's not over til God says it's over. Remember, don't allow the devil to use you. Do what God will have you to do. He'll give you the want and desire to love your husband again. Trust me, I know.....

Yours truly,

Don't Make Him Guess What You Want

To men, your silence means one thing: that everything is just fine with you the way things are. To him, if you are not requesting, demanding, or protesting anything, nothing's broke; and if it ain't broke he won't try to fix it. The best thing you could do for him and for yourself is to ask for what you want. There's no guarantee that you'll always get it, but at least you give him something clear and concrete to either deliver or deny. He can use his energy to respond to your need, rather than to guess what it is.

A common false belief, held by many women who love men, is that real love means either: (a) He should already know what I want or need; or (b) If he doesn't know he should take it upon himself to ask,and ask, and ask...Men are much better at loving by giving and doing, than at asking and guessing. To get the best of his love, open our mouth and state your case.

Men love to satisfy their women's desires. It makes them feel quite capable and needed (both of which they love). Men despise hopping around to supply every selfish whim or wish-list item that their women make known. It makes them feel exploited. If you clearly communicate to him what you truly appreciate, believe me, he'll let you know one way or the other where he stands.

Say it: "I will never be without what I desire from the man I love because I did not make it known. He will know it because I will say it."

Do it: " What do you want from him that you are not clearly making known to him? Before you ask him, ask yourself: Is this a realistic request? Is he the right person to ask it of? Is this the right time? If the answer is no to any one of these, table or trash your request. If the answer is yes, calmly, clearly, kindly ask for what you want.---Dr. Ronn Elmore

How To Keep Your Skin Looking Young!

It is never to early to start worrying about keeping one’s skin young, don’t wait till you are in your 50’s to begin stressing about fighting wrinkles and age spots. By developing healthy skin habits in your 20’s you can work towards eliminating the skin problems you might encounter in your later years. Below is a list of how to achieve this.

The most important things to remember in keeping your skin young are these rules:
1. You ARE what you EAT.
It is important to understand that everything you put inside your mouth comes out through your skin. If you eat foods that are high in grease and lacking of nutrients, you tend to break out and produce unnecessary oil. It is also important for you to remember that what you eat plays a huge role in how you age. While simple carbs ( white sugar, cookies, candy) tend to speed up your ageing process, complex carbs found in vegetables and fruits tend to rejuvenate you and de-age your skin.

It is also important to remember to eat the right fat, as it tends to keep the skin plump and younger. It is important that you ensure that your diet is one of healthy proteins and fats like omega-3 and omega-6 essential fatty acids that are found in fish, nuts, soy products and fortified eggs. These fats help your body produce your skin’s natural oil barrier that hydrates it, as well as help in reducing acne-prone inflammations.

EXERCISE De-ages your body

If you are not a big fan of working-out to stay healthy, you should think twice; considering thatexercise plays a tremendous role on how young your body will look and feel in the future. Whether it is bike riding, walking, aerobics or strength training, your body and skin tremendously benefits from this. Here are a few benefits to exercising for a tighter and younger looking skin.

i. Exercise helps to strengthen your heart and lungs.

ii. It also works to decrease your blood pressure and LDL; also known as the bad cholesterol.

iii. Strength training, most importantly works to prevent the loss of bone mass; keeping your bones healthy and strong throughout the years.

iv. But most importantly, exercise works to increase the flow of blood in the body which not only helps in keeping your hair healthy, but also works to help release toxins in the body.

Keyword to everlasting youth: MOISTURIZE

In working towards keeping your skin looking young, it is very important to remember to MOISTURIZE both inside and outside. You moisturize your body from the inside by drinking lots of water. Water helps rid your body of toxins, as well as keeping your skin hydrated.

Moisturizing your body outside is done by apply appropriate creams and lotions. One of the most important habits you can adopt towards keeping a younger looking skin is to REMEMBER To WEAR SUNSCREEN. It is important to remember that the number one factor in aging fast is EXCESSIVE SUN EXPOSURE!! Not only is excessive sun exposure damaging to your skin, but it is the number cause of skin cancer. Developing a healthy habit of wearingsunscreen, works towards reducing the sun’s damage and eliminating wrinkles; as well as, reducing the effect of uneven skin pigmentation that can also come from too much sun exposure.

Apart from wearing Sunscreen, it is very important to remember to always moisturize your skin. One of the fastest ways to age your skin is to leave it dry; because as you get older, your body begins to lose its ability to naturally moisturize itself. Therefore it is important that you always remember to moisturize yourself from head to toe.
REMEMBER, you can start now to rewind the hands of time before it is too late!

Author: Azara