How To Handle the Female Friend Who Likes Your Husband

During your marriage life, you may really need to be selective of the female friends you may have around your husband and in your home. All are not always out for your best interest. Some maybe secretly jealous of your marriage, just plain ole lonely, and some could even have a crush on your husband.

You will know who the 'Judas' is just by body language, word choice, and the always concerned what your husband whereabouts are.

One of the body languages could be the constant flirting, light touching which normally goes with the ongoing giggles and laughter, and the famous eye balling. Quick sneak glances or stares at your husband are just a few of the signs. Also, the constant being in his face is another dead give away your female friend may likes your husband.

Word choices are also possible red flags of a female friend liking you husband. Subtle hints or messages in conversation with your husband are the big and obvious crush signs. Wives, please do not be naive! Take notice of what my be going on. Just keep on eye out. I understand somethings may not always appear of what it seems, however just keep note of what is going on.

Last by not least, when the female friend is always asking about your husband. His likes, dislikes, questions of "is he home?", what time does he get off, personal questions and the list goes on. Wives can I suggest something. Be VERY reluctant of giving your husband's cell phone number to a female friend. Things happen or innocent reasons of her having his number may occur, but please, by all means, avoid it! This could hit you in the face later down the line. I'll give a quick scenario: Girlfriend is going through, ie pain, breakup, lost of..., or just need someone to talk to. She calls everyone on her contact but no one is available (We all have had those days). She's desperate. She sees your hubby's number. She calls, they talk, he soothes her over, and they both enjoy each other's conversation. Later, he may call to check up on her or she may call back thanking him for giving his time and concern. A little innocent bond is now made. Later, possibly you got in a fight with the husband. He wants to vent and talk to someone so he calls "her". She soothes him over assuring him it's ok. Next thing could happen, he gives her subtle compliments and vice versa. To make it short, feelings may start to surface and need I say more. You can play with the story, doesn't have to happen like that, but you all know where I'm coming from.

When in the public eye and a female or even a friend is constantly flirting with your husband, STAY CALM. I cannot stress this enough. You don't want to make a fool out of yourself. You don't want to look insecure either. That's a turn off. Stay cool, calm, collective and CONFIDENT. It's best not to go running over to them like a wild ragging bull with fear in your eyes. All that is going to do is give the other woman more ammunition to be mischievous, because she will play on your insecurities. Now see, this is were your appearance comes into place too. Many posts ago, I did A Wardrobe That Works. At least you will be looking hot and feeling confident if/when approaching your husband.

It is your husband's responsibility to address the female/friend and set that boundary. Now this is the part we wives have no control over. The only thing you can do at this time is to somewhat wait it out and PRAY for God's grace, peace, and His mercy not to slap her. If your husband thinks that there was nothing wrong with him entertaining the flirtatious female or friend then you are going to have to pray and keep your cool (in the public eye), cry and vent later.

Overall, it's disrespectful to you. Whether if your husband doesn't see anything wrong or thinks it's all fun and games, if he's a real man of God, then he will respect your wishes and have that boundary set up. The two of you must agree. Would he like it if it was the other way around? Like I thought!

Golden wives, all I can't address all the possible scenarios of this situation. However, the greater One is inside of you. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and wisdom. If you are in a public place, quickly go to the bathroom and say a prayer. God will ANSWER! God will intervene on your behalf where you may not have to do or say anything.

TESTIMONY

FYI: I remember the Lord instructed me to HUG the female that was flirtatious and trying to get with my husband (mind you she was a Judas, ehemm I mean, 'friend'). I fought and fought God on this. After a while I was having dreams of me hugging her and wishing her well. So I knew what I had to do. Sure enough, a week later, we ran into each other at Dunkin Doughnuts and I wanted my emotions to get the best of me, but instead I gave her the biggest bear hug ever. She was surprised and confused looking, yet she had somewhat of shame on her face. Oh yes, it was an awkward moment, but I felt at peace and forgiveness came in my heart towards her. It brought healing and closure to me and I felt like the bigger/better person. Now she tries and invite me to her things, converse, you know, build that friendship up again. I still take it slow with her, but God knew what He was doing. Thank You Jesus! Are we not to walk in unconditional love?

How Husband Feels When Wife Puts Children Ahead of Him

How does it make a man feel when his wife puts their children ahead of him?
We posed that question to a group of men. Their most common answers are listed below:

1. Insignificant and disrespected
Most replied that they felt a deep lack of respect from not only their wives, but from their children as well. “Respect is important to a man, and he doesn’t feel that when the children consistently come first,” said one man.

2. Unloved
Most men, unlike most women, associate love with actions instead of with feelings. When a woman places her children above her husband, her actions say to him that she loves the children more than she loves him. Though not as vocal about it as women, men desire to be deeply loved by their wives. It is difficult for a man to see his wife cherish the children, but treat him in a cool or casual manner.

3. Lonely
One of the man’s greatest needs is companionship, and he usually expects to find this in his relationship with his wife. “As my wife pours more and more of her life into being a mother, she pours less and less of it into being my wife,” said one man. “The friend I once had in my wife is now a friend to our children, but a stranger to me.” The lonelier a man becomes, the more vulnerable he is to outside temptation. Is your husband lonely because of the time you spend with your children? Are you in any way making him more vulnerable to the attentions of other women?

4. Unappreciated
Men appreciate being appreciated! Many men feel that their wives show greater appreciation to their children than they do to them. “If our daughter goes to a friend’s for the night, my wife misses her terribly,” said one husband. “When she comes home the next morning, my wife is ecstatic to see her and acts as if she’s been gone forever. I can be gone for days on a business trip, and my wife acts like I never left. Sometimes she even seems to resent my return home.” Does your husband know how important he is to you and how much you value him? Are you an appreciative wife?

5. Resentful and Angry
Though not a majority, some men stated that when their wives put their children first, they felt a sense of resentment and anger; some felt this way toward their children, others toward their wives. “My fifteen-year-old son walks through the door and my wife immediately asks abut his day or rubs his back if he’s tired. She pampers him constantly. I find myself resenting him, even though I know it isn’t his fault.” Is your husband frustrated or even jealous of your relationship with your children? Could it be that he feels left out or overlooked?

IDEAS TO CONSIDER

Maybe you’re sensing that you need a major overhaul in this area, or perhaps just some fine-tuning. Regardless, here are some ideas to consider:

1. Think positive thoughts. For every positive thought you have of your children, think of two for your husband. Begin noticing the many things he does. Perhaps he sees to it that the house is locked up every night or helps you replace light bulbs. Men enjoy praise!

2. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Often this comes easily with our children, but is more difficult with our husbands. Grant him the same gracious generosity that you so readily give your kids.

3. Be spontaneous. Surprise him once a week with a random act of kindness. One woman recently discovered that her husband liked a slushy drink from a local convenience store. She began buying them for him. “He loves it when I do this. It’s such a simple thing to do, and lets him know I’m thinking about him.”


4. Invest in his stock. Share with your children things you admire about their father. This lets them see how important your marriage is to you. Though it’s been said dozens of times, the way Mom sees Dad is the greatest influencer of how the children see him. Do this with others as well. Many women excel at communicating their children’s strengths, but not their husband’s. One woman pointed out that often friends will talk about their children in glowing terms, but when they talk about their husbands, they tend to talk about their weaknesses and inabilities. If you do this, stop! Commit to sharing with others only those things that build your husband up. Words are infectious and should be chosen wisely.



5. Make your bedroom a haven. Too often this is the catchall room. Make an effort to keep it clean, organized, and inviting. One woman bought a small love seat and placed it in the master bedroom. This is where she and her husband spend a few moments together once they’ve gotten in the door at the end of the day. It shows their children that they value each other’s company as well. Burn a fragrant candle so that the room smells inviting and warm.

6. Cater to his quirks. Many times we think our children’s quirks are cute but our husband’s are obnoxious. One woman discovered that her husband liked his sheets changed often, yet she preferred going longer between changings. “I fought this for years,” she said. “I thought he was being too obsessive. One day my daughter asked why I ignored her father’s request for clean sheets but always changed hers whenever she asked. I was shocked. I didn’t realize I did this. I suddenly saw that I was not only dismissing one of my husband’s rare requests, but I was also modeling wrong priorities for my daughter.”


7. Check your attitude. Said one woman, “I was stunned one night when my husband told me that he wished I had the same attitude toward him that I had toward the kids. From his perspective, I bent over backward for them. I ran all over town to find my daughter the right dress or my son the right tennis shoes. But he said that if he asked me to stop at the hardware store and pick up a gallon of paint, I balked.” Our attitudes speak volumes to our husbands.


8. Pray for your husband. This tip could go in every chapter. There is nothing like prayer to soften your heart and sharpen your focus.


9. Reintroduce pet names into your relationship. Refrain from calling him “Dad” or Daddy.” Choose instead to call him by a name that shows your love and high regard for him as a husband.Your husband may or may not respond as you re-prioritize your relationships. It really isn’t an issue, though, if you are doing it to honor God. Certainly it’s nice for him to notice and appreciate your efforts, but it isn’t necessary. God notices.---missonmarriages.org

Dealing with the Unloveable Husband

It is easy to live in harmony when your husband is treating you well. But what if he’s not? How do you treat your husband when he is unloving and moody?
“Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayers for that person… If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.“Here is a simple rule of thumb for your behavior. Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? …I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise —regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst.

Our Father is kind; you be kind.“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, and criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing.

Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” (Luke 6:27-38, The Message)
One way you can tell that you are walking in the Spirit in your marriage is to ask: Is my husband’s response my goal, or am I doing this to please the Lord? God will enable you to be compassionate to someone who doesn’t deserve it, just as He was and is to you. Ask yourself, “Why is my husband moody and sharp with me?” Often the answer is that you are simply catching the overflow of what happened to him at work, with his parents, or with some other problem. Is this fair? No, but life isn’t always fair. Consider other possibilities as well: Is he stressed about something in particular? Is he fatigued due to extra house he’s putting in at work? Is he going through a difficult time with someone? Ask God to give you understanding and patience during these times and continue to treat your husband lovingly, regardless of how he may be treating you. Don’t be so sensitive that you let your feelings and emotions be set by another’s treatment of you. Jesus didn’t do that. He continued to live His life with honor, dignity, love, and mercy through the most difficult times. Don’t be judgmental or unfriendly. Don’t allow yourself to be too easily wounded, crushed, or hurt. Guard against bitterness and being quick to forgive. Ask Jesus to help develop these attitudes in you when you face challenging times.

Be a Blessing
Your job is to bless (1 Peter 3:9, The Message). Put another way, it reads like this: Never return evil for evil or insult for insult—scolding, tongue-lashing, berating; but on the contrary blessing—praying for their welfare, happiness, and protection, and truly pitying and loving them. For know that to this you have been called, that you may yourselves inherit a blessing [from God]—obtain a blessing as heirs, bringing welfare and happiness and protection. (1 Peter 3:9, AMP)

Holy, beautiful women never return harsh words, but instead give a blessing back! One way to do this is through prayer. Do you see that the blessed outcome of our unselfish prayer for our husbands’ welfare, happiness, and protection is that we inherit these things as well?
Have you and your husband ever been in the following cycle? He raises his voice; you raise yours. He becomes louder; you retaliate. This is an endless cycle, but the dynamics of it can be broken quickly if you no longer react. You can choose to act instead in a manner the Bible says is right. Your consistent, sweet, silent response to poor behavior may be the very thing God uses to change your husband. Don’t give in to the urge to let your silence be cold and stony. When Jesus was oppressed and afflicted, He did not open His mouth (Isaiah 53:7; Matthew 26:63; 27:12-14, NASB). Mark says that Pilate was amazed at how Jesus stayed silent in the midst of the accusations that were swirling around Him. Only when He was placed under oath and asked whether He was the King of the Jews did He humbly reply, “Yes, it is as you say” (Mark 15:2).If your husband is short-tempered and impatient, try remaining silent in love. Stop participating in the vicious cycle of “he gets angry; I get angry.” Choose not to react during heated times. Wait until your husband has cooled down or is more rested before discussing things. Suppose you had two dogs. Let’s say one was red and the other blue. What would happen if you fed only the red dog and not the blue one? The red dog would become bigger and stronger while the blue one became weaker. Over time, Red would thrive, while Blue shriveled away. Every time you act in a loving way toward your husband, it’s as if you’re feeding the red dog and refusing to feed the blue one. The basic principle is simple: Feed Red, and starve Blue! Each time you do this, it becomes more and more a part of your natural response. What you’re doing is training your mind to think in a new way, and each successive attempt becomes easier. Begin now to pray that you will have the strength to do this, and begin praying scripturally and fervently for your husband.
How to Pray Scripturally
An example is given in Colossians of a powerful way to pray. You might consider praying for your husband in such a way. Pray that he will:

• Be filled with the knowledge of God’s will,


• Have spiritual wisdom and understanding,


• Walk in a manner worthy of the Lord,


• Living a life full of integrity,


• Please the Lord in all respects and do those things that bring glory to God,


• Bear fruit in every good work,


• Increase in the knowledge of God,


• Be strengthened with all power according to the Lord’s glorious might,


• Attain steadfastness and patience,


• Joyously give thanks to the Father,


• Who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. (Colossians 1:9-12) ----Nancy Cobb

Be Careful: Your Husband Will Seek Affirmation Somewhere

Have you ever noticed how the adulterous woman in the book of Proverbs seduces the unwitting young man? It’s not with sex (okay, it’s not just with sex); it’s with flattery. “She threw her arms around him… and with a brazen look she said, “I’ve offered my sacrifices and just finished my vows. It’s you I was looking for!’ …With her flattery she enticed him. He followed her at once” (from Proverbs 7).
Flattery is simply a seductive counterfeit for affirmation. As one marriage counselor said, “Affirmation is everything. When a man is affirmed, he can conquer the world. When he’s not, he is sapped of his confidence and even his feeling of manhood. And believe me, he will, consciously or unconsciously, seek out places where he receives affirmation.”

Home is the most important place for a man to be affirmed. If a man knows that his wife believes in him, he is empowered to do better in every area of his life. A man tends to think of life as a competition and a battle, and he can energetically fight it out if he can come home to someone who supports him unconditionally, who will wipe his brow and tell him he can do it. As one of our close friends told me, “It’s all about whether my wife thinks I can do it. A husband can slay dragons, climb mountains, and win great victories if he believes his wife believes that he can.”

Don’t tear him down!
If instead of affirming, a wife reinforces her husband’s feelings of inadequacy, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if we focus on our attention on what he is doing wrong in the relationship, we can unwittingly undermine what we most want—for him to do it right.
But I discovered a dismaying fact. Of the men I surveyed, only one man in four felt actively appreciated by his family. And 44 percent of men actually felt unappreciated at home. More pointedly, men in their prime years of responsibility for home, children, and work —men between their ages of thirty-six and fifty-five —felt even less appreciated.
I’ll bet that many of the wives or girlfriends of these men would be surprised to learn that they didn’t feel appreciated. My guess is that most of us do appreciate our men but don’t show it enough.

He’ll seek affirmation somewhere
If a man isn’t convinced that his woman thinks he’s the greatest, he will tend to seek affirmation elsewhere. He may spend more hours at work, where he feels alive and on top of his game, or he may spend too much time talking to the admiring female associate. He may immerse himself in watching or playing sports, feeling the thrill of the competitive rush. Or he may retreat to his workshop or his home office, feeling like he can control things there even if he feels inadequate and clumsy elsewhere.
“Why else do you think,” one man asked me, “so many men take sports so seriously? It’s something they feel good at, something they’ve practiced. They are admired and encouraged by other men on the field. People say ‘good hit?’ or ‘good shot!’ or show by tightening their defense that they know you’re about to smoke them. There’s nothing like that feeling. But I feel that same way at home when my wife applauds me for bringing in a big business deal or brags to her friends about what a good father I am. It’s that same feeling.”

Several experts said that a chronic lack of affirmation is one reason so many men slip into pornography addiction. For whatever reason, they feel like less than a man, so they seek —and find! —affirmation in pornography. As one man pointed out, “All those women in the men’s magazines convey one message: ‘I want you, and you are the most desirable man in the world.’ My wife may be nagging me at home, the kids may be disobedient, and I may be worried about messing up at work, but look at the woman in that picture makes me feel like a man.”

If affirmation is indeed everything, why should a man have to look for it in other places when he has a wife who loves and respects him? There’s nothing wrong with work, sports, or hobbies— it’s wonderful for him to feel alive and encouraged in those pursuits— but they shouldn't’t have to be a retreat from an un-affirming home life.

Create a safety zone
Obviously, if many of our men spend their workdays feeling like they are always being watched and judged, it is no wonder that they want to come home to a totally accepting environment, where they can safely let their guard down. Men need a place where they can make their mistakes in peace and not constantly worry that they are one misstep away from being exposed.
If we don’t realize this and are perhaps too attentive to their mistakes at home, we risk creating a situation that is the opposite of what we want. Most of us want our men to be able to relax and truly open up to us. But in many ways, it is up to us to create the intimate, safe environment that makes that possible.
We may think that the adage, “his home must be his haven” is antiquated and unnecessary these days, but that is far from the truth. In fact, as the workplace has gotten harsher and less loyal, more demanding and less tolerant of mistakes, I’d say it’s even more important that a man’s home be a haven. Most of the men crave a retreat from the daily pressure of always having to perform.

The gift of confidence
We might think we wouldn’t have the ability to change our man’s feelings of workplace inadequacy, but we would be wrong. By staunchly supporting our men, showing that we believe in them, and providing an emotionally safe environment to come home to, we can help give them at least the emotional confidence they need to dive back into the daily workplace fray.

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