May 09, 2009

Setting Boundaries In The Marriage

What is tolerated and not tolerated in your marriage and home will need to be discuss. Is it okay for husband to go out late, cursing or is smoking allowed in your home? How about your or his friends coming to your home unannounced. If you have a blended family, rules need to be established for his child's mother or your child's father. Make it clear to family and friends what is expected of them in your home. I'm not saying to give family and friends a laundry list of do's and don'ts or what is expected of them, however when a red flag appear then it's best to address the issue.

If you haven't already start setting boundaries in the marriage with your husband. You both need to have a clear understanding of the company you are keeping. Childhood friends, colleagues, associates from the job, and the like. Are they good company? Does your husband approve of them? Men who don't fit into those categories need to be reconsider of having their number. What purpose are they serving anyway? You may not understand or agree, but as time goes on in the marriage you will see why this is important. That wonderful prince you married who makes you smile every time he calls your name will make you upset and hurt one day that you are thinking the unthinkable.

Let's be real, you are human and after a heated argument or fight, you just might call up that "friend" of yours. I know you don't have feelings for him or nothing is going on, but that's how it starts, that one simple innocent call. Next thing you know, he's your secret comforter, that security blanket, that one that tells you want you need to hear. Let me put it this way, what if it was the other way around? How would you feel then?

Husband needs to do the same thing. You both may want to go over these friends and who they are to you and him. Sounds cheesy doesn't it? I said it's best to do this now.

Hopefully you both will have a good group of mutual friends and couples that have you and husband best interest at heart. It's nothing like a good support group.

If there are new friends involved (especially opposite sex), then they need to be properly introduce.

Make sure you and your husband come into agreement with friends and the boundaries. Please be honest and communicate with one other. If you don't feel good about a friend of his, just be open (not too open, for the simple fact he might go back and tell this friend what you said) and let him know.
If the husband doesn't see the friend crossing boundaries or if he defends her/him then it's best to back off just a little. Only because if you press the issue, then he will feel like he has to hide his friend. You don't want to approach him the wrong way or accuse him. He might shut down or start sneaking the calls.

Golden wife, you have to ask God for wisdom on these matters. Just remember Christ is and will always be your comforter in every situation.


Anonymous said...

Oh i love this blog. I just love it and i will definitely be here every single day.

Lady A you are amazing...this blog is NEEDED!

Bobby Taylor

Anonymous said...

wow..this really ministered to me. the issue is that my husband doesnt want to meet my male friends..i have made attempts but he isnt interested, maybe because he has a ton of girlfriends i havent met. I have this one friend (he actually likes my sister) and we r quite close/ husband knows of him..but doesnt care to meet him..should i be worried? I on the other hand know i have been a bit too flirty with some of my so called friends...i have said stuff to them..that i would be so mad if my husband said to anyone else..God forgive me talk about double standards!...

Lady A said...

@Bobby, So good to hear from you again! I just want all wives to get something from it. Thanks!
@Anonymous, insecurity or fear could be going on with your hubby. Don't push your friends on him. Just pray and ask God to reveal to you what it is. He'll come around. Be patience. Also, just repent and flirt with your hubby. You don't want to sow seeds of seduction in your marriage. I understand what you are saying, been there..flirted with his friends and in the end I got BURNT! Wasn't worth trying to make him jealous.

downtheaisle said...

now, i'm loving this blog.

downtheaisle said...

Moi again, I am thinking how can one set boundaries as regards in-laws especially with the Nigerian setting where u are expected to be accommodating enof for ur in-laws.

Lady A said...

@DTA, lol..I totally can relate. Hubby from the south and his family expect southern hospitality! It first starts with you and hubby. You both have to agree and STICK WITH IT...take baby steps with it and remember sometimes it's not always going to go your way. COMPROMISE. You have to pick and choose your battles.
Your husband need to SPEAK UP and let them know what the options are, ie hotel, or they can only spend 1-2nights etc...and make sure he tells them, it's better that it comes from the hubsand instead of you.