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July 11, 2014

I WILL Respond!

This Sunday, July 13th, I will finally respond to the questions and concerns. Thank ladies & men for being ever so patience with me. I miss you all much and remember to keep whatever is heavy on your heart before the Lord for He does hear your cry!
 xoxo


November 30, 2013

I'm HERE!!! It has been one heck of a ride. Never in my 15yrs of marriage would I thought that I would be divorced. I will share my story so please sit tight. I did not forget about you all. I miss you all dearly and pray all is well. I will give you all a quick synopsis. My hubby was a high school math teacher. He got caught messing around w/a student *_* so yeah, plus health issues. I cant wait to share w/you all and I will continue to blog for the wives and wives to be. We all can help and glean from each other. This blog is not for the weak at heart. I will be discussing hard core, unthinkable topics. Good and bad. My main goal is for us wives (yes I still consider myself as a wife) to be the BEST well groomed in all areas w/such class.
Muah! Thanks for your patience! I'm at Johns Hopkins right now. My platelets dropped again but I will be fine.
Miss you all greatly and I will answer your comments shortly!

Lady A

February 16, 2012

Closure

Let's face it, we all need it. Married, single, parent, child, and all other humans with different titles. Closure is the key to moving on. It gives a peace of mind, makes you settle, and it even may help one to gain trust again to start over.


When husbands give closure to something that they did or didn't do, it allows us wives to easily release the issue, problem and it gives us a better understanding why. When husbands open up and be honest about the situation, a light bulb goes off for us wives. Now we know what to do or what not to do in some cases. Either way it's best for spouses to let the each other know "why".

Such a relief to get an answer. It allows you to move on in confidence and be at peace with whatever happened. (Not all the time, but you wives get what I'm saying). Some things just can't be rectified.

Lovely wives, again, make sure you are honest. If not or if you can't at the time, then it might be best to keep quiet until the right time. Timing is everything and you have to know when.

Wives, continue to be on your best behavior through it all. Try and cater to your loving husband. They may not acknowledge it but they do appreciate it....


November 29, 2011

Enjoy The Red Carpet Treatment




Wives, how many of us have had this experience. You know. Husband does/did something he had no business doing, or he didn't do what he was suppose to do. Knowing that he was wrong on all accounts, he now is begging forgiveness even if you put him in the doghouse (silent treatment, no hot meal or sex etc..). Something minuscule to extreme (ex: buying the wrong item, not answering his phone, lying, flirting, and/or cheating puts a lack of trust in that area of your marriage. If your husband has a conscience he will do everything in his power to win you over....again....lol. No husband want his wife pouting, slamming doors, venting to her family, and having a plain ole nasty attitude. He will (should) rectify this situation by what I call the "Red Carpet Treatment."

This RCT a bittersweet act when wives receive this attention. This is when he is extra nice, sweet, touchy, sensitive to your needs and the list goes on. It could be his way of saying, "I'm sorry for what I done/didn't do." This is our time to receive his display of apology but at the same time he needs to know that it was not ok of his actions or lack of. This is where communication is extremely important. Not only does he needs to understand but know what you meant/feel concerning the issue. Afterwards, he needs to know what would have been a better way of doing it. Also wives, listen if your husband has/feel a better way of you doing it. Even if you don't agree, just listen. Often times we wives assume the husband understands but really he may not and think he does. Let this not happen.

Red Carpet, VIP! Some wives may get jewelry, a fancy electronic, car, lol etc.. but for the average everyday hard working hubby it's more practical. Manicures, pedicures, money, massage at your favorite spa, hair appointment, wax appointment (ouch!), favorite restaurant/outing, shopping at your favorite store, doing house chores, new pair of shoes, and the list goes on. It's good to feel and be treated with love, attention, and pamperd. Especially when they are truthfully sorry and showing you affection as the day is long. Once the two of you have closure on the incident, let the past be the past. Remember, enjoy it! You deserve it.

Lady A Speaks!








November 17, 2011

Have Great Morning Sex


So how's the miracle drug work? Morning sex can strengthen your immune system for the day by enhancing your levels of IgA, an antibody that protects against infection. And climaxing releases chemicals that boost levels of estrogen, improving the tone and texture of your skin and hair. But like most truly spectacular things in life, morning sex can go really badly if you don't do it right (dragon breath, anyone)? So do it, and do it right with these rise-and-shine tips.

For most of the working world, the blaring of the alarm clock isn't a happy sound. So why not turn that rude awakening into an erotic opportunity with a roll in the 400-thread-count hay? After all, scientists say that people who start their days by having sex are all-around healthier and happier than those who don't.

"Having sex in the morning releases the feel-good chemical oxytocin, which makes couples feel loving and bonded all day long," says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good. It makes you stronger and more beautiful too: Morning sex can strengthen your immune system for the day by enhancing your levels of IgA, an antibody that protects against infection. And climaxing releases chemicals that boost levels of estrogen, which improves the tone and texture of your skin and hair. Want to max out the morning love? Follow these tips:

Give Him a Sexy Wake-Up Call

Set your alarm to play soft music, and as soon as you're roused, quietly slip out of your pj's. Then try this trick: If he's lying on his back, place your hands on his thighs with your thumbs pointing toward his genitals, suggests acupuncturist Alexis Arvidson. Move your thumbs in a slow, firm circular motion, two inches in diameter. According to the ancient teachings of acupuncture, rubbing this thin-skinned area will get the blood flowing straight to his
nether regions. Well, isn't that convenient, since that's where you're headed next!




Author: Elise Neresian
Woman's Health Magizine

November 01, 2011

Having Too Many People in Your Hair



Sometimes we wives can get caught up sharing too much information about our job, families and personal issues. It's good to have friends that will help you and give you positive advice in your time of need. This issue is not venting, but who you are venting too. Some may think they have all the answers while they have a war zone in their backyard. Its best to have one or two "go to" friends in the time of need or support. This person should be trustworthy, good morals and not bitter. Also someone who is going to let you know if you are WRONG! Check your list of "go to" friends and make sure they are what you need, not want. It's best not to take advice from someone who is bitter. Normally they would poison your way of thinking and outlook. That wouldn't be a healthy outcome.
Try and stay away from people who have "diarrhea at the mouth." I'm sure they mean well but at the end of the day, you do not want your business on front street.
When something happens in your life, marriage, children, job, etc..try avoid telling your whole entourage. It gets tiring and time consuming by the time you are telling friend #4. Keep in mind you have to go back to these friends and give them a report or update them. No, you don't have it but it's courtesy to do so. They took the time to listen and give their advice so who wouldn't want to know the outcome.

If you are a private person and you like to keep everything to yourself. Just be careful in doing so. You still have to find an outlet. Make sure you are getting good advice from good sources.

It's best to have a physical outlet too wives. From excerising to spa dates, having a little bit of "me" time is necessary for the heart. It will help you to think better, have clearer thoughts upon the situation and you will be distressed.

Wives, do the best you can do. If something hasn't been working for you time after time then try another approach. Don't be afraid to ask for help, but not just anyone. That could also mean your closest friend. Keep in mind that some strangers can give the best advice.

Keep up the good work wives. Taking care of the household has it's own stress, but yet it's very rewarding.


Lady A

October 20, 2011

Enjoy His Company








Often times we wives have over a million things on the mind. From past, present, future. Things that occurred or didn't occurred in our life. Did we pick the right occupation? Regretting things, wanting things, did I marry the right guy, I want another baby, when are we going to move into a house, etc...
Funny, even during intimate time with your husband, you could be thinking of the laundry list of things that needs to be done.

This is the time to try and be more mentally involve with your spouse. Engage in new topics. Have conversations that are meaningful and fun. Just let your hair down and have fun with him.

Been married for 14 years and my husband and I have finally have a "thing" that we do. After we eat dinner and the children dismiss theirselves. My hubby puts on a pot of coffee and we sit and talk about any and everything. One time we were at the table for hours not realizing it! We laugh, give ideas, discuss our general wants/needs and whatever else is under the sun.

We started this "talk at the table" last year. We didn't plan it or try to make something of it, we just did it. The next night we did it again and next thing you know it became a good habit.
We actually looked forward to it. I actually LISTENED to him, lol. I also remembered why I fell in love with him. I started looking at him differently. I see his gifts more and more.

Have more happy conversations and pillow talks. Just as good as sex! Lol! Oh, one quick tip wives. Spice it up with a little flirting here in there in his company. Don't over do it or try too hard. Just be sweet and subtle. A simple eyebrow raised, blowing him a kiss, or winking your eye at him says a lot. Make him blush or feel like a king in your presence (after all, you are queen). Remember Golden Wife, you hold the key to his heart. Don't lose the key, use it often. The little things I mentioned will add richness to your marriage.



Lady A



PS
I miss you guys!!! Big hug to everyone, even if you are not a follower.
I'm getting better health wise. No flare ups, yeah!!! Wives & Husbands, you all should be seeing more posting now! Love you all!

April 18, 2011

Comments

I received all of the wonderful comments and I will hold true to my word to blog more and often.

It's just that I ran into a road block, speed bump, detour, scenic route in life. It's concerning my health and I just might start a blog on this autoimmune disease.


In the meantime Golden Wives, prayer for good Godly wisdom that concerns your marriage and your husband. Remember, every husband is different, what type husband do you have? That will be on of the topics I will later get into.

I love you beautiful ones and stay encourage on this journey of wifehood. Don't be so quick to throw in the towel. Work it out with the Lord. Yes, even if he does the unthinkable...
Patience is a gift of it's own.

Lady A

January 04, 2011

Commintment

"If you really love someone, you shouldn't have to work at it."

That's what High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens told CosmoGIRL! for its August 2008 issue. This young celebrity was speaking out loud what millions of people privately think: Loving feelings should come naturally in a relationship, so if you have to work at it, something's wrong. But the truth is exactly the opposite: If you truly love someone, you will work hard for the relationship.

Rock or Sand

Jesus spoke of a house that was built on sand and shaken by storms, while another house was built on rock and remained unmoved. One of my greatest surprises as a relationship analyst is just how many of us build our marriages on the sand of feelings instead of the rock of commitment. But I've been encouraged to see that truly committed couples are able, with God's help, to thrive even through the inevitable storms.

Over a five-year period, a close friend sent me e-mails sharing about her struggles with her marriage. She went from daily messages that read, "I can't take this anymore!" to e-mails saying, "He is such a gift to me." What accounted for the change? Her determination.

As she now says, "A successful marriage has little to do with circumstances and a lot to do with determination — taking the word divorce out of your vocabulary and replacing it with commitment."

What is Commitment?

Commitment is a decision to have the abundant marriage God desires, regardless of circumstances or whether you think your spouse is doing his or her part. This includes:

  • Realizing that marriage is an unbreakable covenant before God. At weddings, Atlanta minister Barry Grecu explains that ancient Hebrew culture understood a covenant not as a contract, which could be broken, but as a binding, permanent agreement — just like the covenant God makes with us.
  • Choosing to "do it until you feel it." We often let our feelings guide our actions, but we are actually built for the opposite. Our Creator has designed us so that when we love another person with our actions, our feelings inevitably follow.
  • Focusing on the good in our spouse and the sin in ourselves — instead of the other way around. If you're dissatisfied with your marriage, try this challenge: For the next 30 days, don't say anything negative about your spouse — neither to him or her nor to someone else. Every day, find something you appreciate about your spouse, and verbalize it. This marital application of Philippians 4:8 (which instructs us to focus on whatever is praiseworthy) has the power to transform a marriage. When we examine and work to change ourselves, we often bring out the best in our spouse as well.
  • Engaging in Christian community, prayer and discipleship — especially when you don't want to. These three aspects of the Christian life help sustain every believer, but they are particularly essential for those going through a difficult season.
  • Relying on God to help you act selflessly toward your spouse. As Grecu puts it, "We are incapable of living out our covenant promises in our own human strength. Jesus says, 'Apart from Me you can do nothing' and calls us to engage with the Spirit of God being lived out through us."
By Shaunti Feldhahn

December 18, 2010

Golden Blissfulness

Wives, enjoy this holiday with your family. Do something special for your husband during this season. Surprise him with his favorites. Whether if it's home baked cookies, sexy simple lingerie, renting his favorite movie or video game.

Keep the house neat and in order. This time of year can get very hectic and disorderly, so try your best to run a tight ship. If you have older children then make sure you delegate the responsibilities.

Look good around the house too! Wives make sure your face is clean, hair neat, and smelling good. Keep your skin moisturized. No need for rough alligator skin with talons, lol. Speaking of toes, if you can, get a pedicure or do it yourself. Keep those toes pretty during this cold season. Husbands will appreciate it (although they may not acknowledge it).

I'll be back to blog again. I miss you all. I had some challenges with my health. I just wasn't mentally there to blog...feel me..but stay tuned. 2011 here I come!

Have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!


Yours truly,

Lady A

May 12, 2010

LIFE and BEING BUSY!

I so apologize to all my readers for not blogging and my updating the blog(s). I have been truly busy with this thing called LIFE! Omg, this month May is really full of family, friends, church, and personal events. Last weekend I had 4 events to go too, but only made it to 3...I think that's pretty good, besides, I not trying to wear myself thin and get stressed out again....
I know June and the rest of the summer will be busy as well. Not to mention my health and treatments I'm getting, that's another story.
However, God is good and I will be blogging again. For now I need to break from it but I will be back. I didn't want you all thinking I dropped off the face of the earth.

I have been praying for you all, whether you are a follower or not..anyone who reads I pray that God will meet each and everyone of your needs in Jesus name. AMEN! Stay encourage and be blessed!



April 14, 2010

What Is Your Vagina IQ?


March 23, 2010

Have Great Morning Sex

For most of the working world, the blaring of the alarm clock isn't a happy sound. So why not turn that rude awakening into an erotic opportunity with a roll in the 400-thread-count hay?

"Having sex in the morning releases the feel-good chemical oxytocin, which makes couples feel loving

and bonded all day long," says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good. It makes you stronger and more beautiful too: Morning sex can strengthen your immune system for the day by enhancing your levels of IgA, an antibody that protects against infection. And climaxing releases chemicals that boost levels of estrogen, which improves the tone and texture of your skin and hair. Want to max out the morning love? Follow these tips:

Give him a sexy wake up call

Set your alarm to play soft music, and as soon as you're roused, quietly slip out of your pj's. Then try this trick: If he's lying on his back, place your hands on his thighs with your thumbs pointing toward his genitals, suggests acupuncturist Alexis Arvidson. Move your thumbs in a slow, firm circular motion, two inches in diameter. According to the ancient teachings of acupuncture, rubbing this thin-skinned area will get the blood flowing straight to his nether regions. Well, isn't that convenient, since that's where you're headed next!

Get Fresh!

Sneaking off to the bathroom to brush your teeth can do more than ward off dragon breath. "Not only will your kisses be minty, but the menthol in your toothpas

te can give your guy a tingly thrill during oral sex," Herbenick says. Focus on the head of his penis and his scrotal skin, two nerve-rich areas. Just note: It takes a few minutes for the effects of menthol to work, so be patient—he may not feel

it at first.

Enjoy The View

Part of what makes morning sex so deliciously primal is that, in the light of day, it's difficult to hide your so-

called flaws. So let your insecurities take a backseat to pure, unadulterated pleasure, and instead of covering up under the blankets, throw them off

so you can both get a visual thrill. He'll bask in the eye candy, and you will too: Studies conducted by Emory University found that women are just as visually aroused as men during sex.

Take Advantage of Nature

Your guy's body is hardwired to want sex first thing in the a.m. (hello, morning wood!). "While he sleeps, the testosterone he'll use for the upcoming day accumulates," says Gabrielle Lichterman, author of 28 Days. "Fro

m the time he wakes up, he has a three-hour window when he's brimming with peak levels." Don't let them go to waste: Hop aboard his primed body for some girl-on-top action.

Boost Your Animal Lust

As soon as you're awake,

snuggle up to your guy and take a whiff. Because he hasn't showered yet, you'll feel extra turned on by his au naturel scent. According to scientists at the University of Pennsylvania, a man's musky underarm odor is a proven libido booster. Really, you can't make this stuff up!

Try A Cozy Move

Since you'll both be groggy, try a position that requires little to no effort: spooning. "While you're facing away from your guy, part your legs and guide him inside you," says New York City-based sex and marital

therapist Jane Greer, Ph.D. "His hands will be free to roam all of your hot spots, and he can whisper in your ear."

Install A Double Head Shower

Taking a shower togethe

r sounds romantic and all, but let's get real: There's room under the water for only one person at a time. Fix that by getting a double showerhead (available at any home-goods store). Then crank up the water temp; heat brings blood to the skin's surface, making it more receptive to touch. And soap each other up with peppermint shower gel; the scent wakes you up as it triggers the same nerves that are activated by smelling salts, says research from Wheeling Jesuit University in West Virginia.

Have A Quickie

Sunrise sex doesn't have to be a drawn-out affair. In fact, "mornings are the perfect time to indulge in a quickie, because you'll probably be in a rush, and the heart-pounding adrenaline of spontaneous sex will intensify the entire experience," Greer says.

Pounce on him when he least expects it (say, while he's stepping out of the shower, getting dressed, or making breakfast). And you can ditch foreplay this time—studies published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that if women ignore outside distractions (for example, the television, their laptops), they can start to become aroused in 30 seconds flat. Keep in mind: Quickies don't necessarily have to include intercourse. A hot-and-heavy makeout session, copping a fast feel, or letting him catch you checking out his butt before you dash out the door for work will go a long way toward igniting your passion.


Author: Elise Nersesian

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/morning-sex?cm_mmc=Newsletter-_-2010_Mar_22-_-Dose-_-readon

March 18, 2010

Ways You Can Love Your Husband HIS Way







Discuss this list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful to him and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as

a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions. -unknown author

For the most part, you probably don't have to "go over the list" with your hubby. You know what your husband likes and dislikes like are hopefully, but if uncertain, please by all means ask! Communication extremely important in marriage. These 20 ways are ALL important. Try and keep them as a reminder. Wives, this is just a reminder/refresher, especially for the ones who have been married for several years. Let's not lose heart or focus. ~Lady A~


1. Respectfully communicate with him.

2. Let him know he’s important to you.

3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.

4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.

5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)

6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.

7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (Dave Ramsey)

8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.

9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.

10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.

11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion and giving him time to adjust.

12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.

13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.

14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.

15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.

16. Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. So try to make the first few minutes a positive experience. (And then ease into the negative if it’s necessary.)

17. Give him half an hour to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)

18. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your husband.

19. Compliment him often.

20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.

Unknown author

www.marriagemission.com



Read more: http://mylivesignature.com/wizard2_2.php#ixzz0iXaZ6nMM


March 15, 2010

inspire |inˈspīr|verb [ trans. ]1 fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, esp. to do something creative : [ trans. ] his passion for romantic literature inspired him to begin writing | [as adj. ] ( inspiring) so far, the scenery is not very inspiring. See note at encourage .create (a feeling, esp. a positive one) in a person : their past record doesnot inspire confidence.

As wives we often put everyone first. Husbands needs, children, family, and the list is endless. We are still early in the year of 2010, let us keep focus on self and set a goal to have consistent inspirational attitude toward ourselves. What inspire you at one time? Don't lose it. Keep the zeal going in your heart because it will show on the outer. No strength or just plain tired? Not only prayer, but making a journal of all your hopes, dreams and desires will help stir up the passion again.
Golden Wives, never give up on yourself. You have too many gifting and talents inside of you to just let it die or remain dormant. Remember, timing is everything, so prepare yourself. How? Glad you asked. Keep the vision before you by simply having a list or even make mini projects. Continue to help others and you never know how the favor maybe returned back to you.Keep yourself looking nice and you must make time for you. No excuses!
Let this year for us wives be peaceful, full of hope, and wonderful blessings that we didn't expect flowing our way. It will happen for you, just BELIEVE!
I"m Back!



Read more: http://mylivesignature.com/wizard2_2.php#ixzz0iHMRgP0R

February 09, 2010

Thank You Everyone For the Love!!




My dear readers (if I have any left). I was out sick and ended up in the hospital the whole month of January! I am still recuperating and taking it one day at a time. I am here and we will continue Golden Wives Club because it is my passion. However I need to take this time to heal properly and focus on my health.
Please bare with me. I miss you all like crazy! I see I have a couple of new followers. New comers, I will be up and running again, so just bare with me and enjoy reading. Welcome new followers and silent readers!

I can't give a time when I will be back, but please know we will be up and running again asap.

I love you all and God bless you all.




PS
I read everyone's comment and thank you again for the prayers, love and support!
MUAH!

January 06, 2010

Happy New Year Everyone!/I'm sick but will be back!

I know I said I will be back posting in Jan.2010, but who knew I would be sick with the H1N1! Yup, thought it wouldn't happen to me but it did. Worst thing ever. So I just wanted to let you all know I'll be back when I'm over it. Had it since Dec.24 and got worst. I haven't moderated any comments yet, but I will soon. So if you sent a comment, it will be posted. Give me time please.

I miss you all and love you all. Thanks for understanding.

Lady A

December 14, 2009

See You Jan. 2010!

Hello lovely peoples! I would like to thank each and every one of you who are followers, silent followers, stalkers, readers, viewers and supporters of this blog. However, due to the holiday season and all that is going on, I will not be posting on this blog until Jan. 2010.


Therefore, I'm taking a nice break from ALL of my blogs. I want to come back refreshed, renewed, rejuvenated, and have fresh new material for you all.

Some of you all may know that I manage 5 blogs. Well, I will now condense them down to 3!

Thank you all again for the love and support. Special shout out to all my commentors! I appreciate it. I hope and trust that everyone will have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Be safe, I love you all, and let 2010 be the best year from now on out. Live your life to the fullest in Jesus name! Amen!

See you all next year! (Sounds far doesn't it, lol!)

December 07, 2009

10 Eating Tips for a Healthy Holiday Season


Food is an important part of many holidays, celebrations, family and cultural traditions.In fact, special occasions often center around food. As a result, many people gain a little (or a lot of) weight between Thanksgiving and the New Year. What’s to blame? Perhaps it’s all the tempting treats available during the holiday season or the pressure from family, friends, and co-workers to overeat. Maybe it’s the increased emotional eating (whether it be from holiday stress or holiday joy) or the extreme laxity with eating and physical activity regimens in anticipation for the strict “new diet and exercise plan” you’re going to start January 1st. Regardless of the reasons, it is not necessary to avoid holiday festivities in an attempt to maintain your weight. Consider these 10 tips for fully enjoying the holiday season without gaining weight!


1. Focus on weight maintenance vs. weight loss during the holidays. If you are currently overweight and want to lose weight, this is not the time to do it. Maintenance of your present weight is a big enough challenge during the holiday season. Don’t set yourself up for failure by making unrealistic goals for yourself.

2. Plan on NOT dieting after the New Year. Anticipation of food restriction sets you up for binge-type eating over the holidays (“after all, if I’m never going let myself eat this again after Jan. 1st, I might as well eat as much as possible now!”) Besides, restrictive diets don’t work in the long run. They increase your loss of lean body mass vs. fat, slow down your metabolism, increase anxiety, depression, food preoccupation, and binge eating, and make weight re-gain more likely.

3. Be physically active every day. Often, students’ busy holiday schedules (or lack of structured schedules) bump them off their exercise routines. Physical activity, especially aerobic activities (like brisk walking, jogging, bicycling, roller blading, and swimming) can help relieve stress, regulate appetite, and burn up extra calories from holiday eating.

4. Eat a light snack before going to holiday parties. It is not a good idea to arrive at a party famished. Not only are you more likely to overeat, but you are also less likely to resist the temptation of eating the higher fat and higher calorie foods. Try eating a piece of fruit, a small carton of yogurt, or a string cheese before you go.

5. Make a plan. Think about where you will be, who you will be with, what foods will be available, what foods are really special to you (that you really want to eat) vs. those that you could probably do without, what are your personal triggers to overeat and how can you minimize them. Once you've thought about all of these things, make a plan of action. It's much easier to deal with a difficult social eating situation if you've already planned for it.

6. Take steps to avoid recreational eating. While some foods are more calorie-dense than others, no food will make you gain weight unless you eat too much of it. At parties and holiday dinners, we tend to eat (or keep eating) beyond our body’s physical hunger simply because food is there and eating is a “social thing.” To avoid recreational eating, consciously make one plate of the foods you really want. Eat it slowly--enjoying and savoring every tasty bite. Then, when you’re done, pop a mint or stick of gum in your mouth, get a tall glass of water and sip on it throughout the night, or position yourself away from the buffet table or food trays to keep yourself from overeating.

7. Reduce the fat in holiday recipes. There are plenty of low fat and low calorie substitutes that are amazingly tasty. Try using applesauce in place of oil in your favorite holiday breads; use egg substitutes in place of whole eggs; try plain nonfat yogurt in place of sour cream. Magazines are full of reduced calorie and reduced fat holiday recipes. Give them a try, and share your cooking creations with friends and family.

8. Choose your beverages wisely. Alcohol is high in calories. Liquors, sweet wines and sweet mixed drinks contain 150-450 calories per glass. By contrast, water and diet sodas are calorie-free. If you choose to drink, select light wines and beers, and use non-alcoholic mixers such as water and diet soda. Limit your intake to 1 or 2 alcoholic drinks per occasion. And, watch out for calories in soda, fruit punch, and egg nog as well.

9. Enjoy good friends and family. Although food can be a big part of the season, it doesn’t have to be the focus. Holidays are a time to reunite with good friends and family, to share laughter and cheer, to celebrate and to give thanks. Focus more on these other holiday pleasures, in addition to the tastes of holiday foods. The important thing to remember is balance and moderation. It’s OK to eat too much once in a while. Just relax, enjoy the holidays, and remember what the season is all about.

10. Maintain perspective: Overeating one day won't make or break your eating plan. And it certainly won't make you gain weight! It takes days and days of overeating to gain weight. If you over-indulge at a holiday meal, put it behind you. Return to your usual eating plan the next day without guilt or despair ?

Happy Holidays!

--Created by Sheri Barke, MPH, RD 2002


December 04, 2009

Shopping and Preparing For The Holidays



It's that time of year again. From Black Friday to preparing Christmas dinner, the hustle and bustle is on from now til January. Getting the home ready, putting up the tree, buying gifts, wrapping gifts, sending out Christmas cards, calling love ones checking in, and even hair/nail appointments, seems like the list never ends. It's best to shop early as possible. If you are a heavy shopper then you might need to consider to take a day off from your job. Let your theme be "Keep It Simple" when shopping. You can start by writing a list from family/friends to gifts and items that need to be brought. Make sure your list is very detail and as you complete each one, don't forget to check it off. If you are going to purchase an expensive gift, try and call around to different stores for prices. You might find it cheaper then what you anticipated on spending. Check your local newspaper for sales and coupons. This will help and make it easier on the pockets. Again, I highly encourage everyone to shop first thing in the morning. Lines are shorter, crowds are smaller and the store is more organized.

This is the time to keep everything organized and reasonable. Try and delegate holiday responsibilities to your husband and children (if you have any). You want to enjoy and have peace during this busy time of year. If you have older children, get them to participate more and make it fun. Teach your 5 year old how to wrap daddy's Christmas gift. Hang Christmas stockings (or whatever tradition you do this time of year) and have your children to decorate them.

If you do not have children, then there are plenty of things to do with other couples. Invite a few good married couples over and fellowship. Make if fun! Have everyone to bring a dish (make it easier on you *wink*), provide drinks and maybe an appetizer or two. Try and make a signature Christmas drink that everyone will enjoy and talk about. Hot apple cider, egg nog, creamy latte, or hot coco with a peppermint stick would do the trick! Play fun creative hands on games, go see a Christmas play at a church (free), watch a movie, or carpool to see the Christmas lights and have dessert afterwards. Just be creative. Who knows maybe this could be a start of a Christmas gathering at your house!

Whatever you do, remember to "Keep It Simple" and enjoy and embrace the season. If plans don't follow through, don't sweat it, just have a plan b. Don't sweat the small things. When it's all said and done, you want to have you sanity.

All that you do or don't get to do, don't stress it! Make the best out of it.
Yours Truly,
Lady A

November 30, 2009

Certain Things Need To Be Done In Private

Thought you could 'reveal' yourself to your spouse. Did your really think you could take off your wig, weave, lashes, makeup, girdle or whatever else you use to beautify yourself without him saying anything. If this is done, just be prepared to hear him complaining about it through conversation, argument, or the most embarrassing way, to his friend(s) or family.

Wives, please do certain beauty treatments in private. Believe it or not, this will save you later on and your husband will appreciate this (though he may never mention it). Husbands don't always understand the extent we go through for beauty and why. They may not understand why we have to use primer on our faces before we apply makeup, or placing a tight stocking cap on your head before you put your wig on. All they see is you looking like a pale ghost or a potential burglar. You may not want your husband seeing certain things that you do to be beautiful. It probably will freak them out and scar them. Having hair rollers, facial mask, body wraps, using mayo as hair conditioner, do-it-yourself home relaxers, hair color and whatever crazy home beauty treatments you may do, please try and have a set time when it's in your best interest.

Because I wear a lot of weaves and sometimes wigs, I do my hair when my hubby is out of the house. When he comes home, VIOLA! A new woman. He doesn't need to see the process. Or if I want to soak in the bath tub with vinegar (it smells funky, but is the best with body odor), I try and make sure he will be downstairs, basement, or going out with friends. I find it best to do all of my personal girly stuff on Sunday, why....FOOTBALL!!! My husband is glued to the t.v. and will not move off the couch.

Now let's be reasonable. There are several beauty treatments that I do with him around OR beauty treatments that I have him to help me out with. Wives, be your own judge on this. Some husbands may not mind seeing you transform from hot mess to beauty queen. You just have to know.

Again, use your own judgement. No one knows your husband better than you. If you are not sure if your home beauty treatments bother your husband then here are a few clues:

  • Funny, dirty, questionable looks on his face
  • Asking annoying questions in an irritate voice tone ie, "what's that smell?, what is that?, what is that for? why do you do that?, do you have to do that?, what the heck?"
  • Complaining of hair/beauty treatment
  • Grunts or rude moans when he sees you in your hair/beauty treatment regimen
  • Sarcastic remarks

Wives, just be mindful when doing your hair/beauty treatments. Husbands don't need to know and see everything. Have and keep some mystery to yourself. This also helps the 'chase' of it all. We do want our hubby's to still chase us, so let the games continue!

Yours truly,

November 20, 2009

Resist Humor At Your Partner's Expense

Humor is a gift. Through humor, we lighten our daily load, gain perspective on our many flaws, and keep from taking thing too seriously. The ability to laugh at ourselves moves us toward balanced self-awareness.
But humor can also turn you on your head. What is funny to one person may be deeply offensive to another. What on person may intend as a lighthearted quip may inadvertently touch on another person's pain.

Perhaps most upsetting, however, is humor aimed at a life partner. Many couples develop a pattern of teasing on another in the company of others. Sometimes it's a way to show how well they know one another. Sometimes it's an attempt to avoid actual criticism of their partner, even though what they're communicating is, in fact, critical. Some couples use humor in private, as well, and sometimes to good effect. If you have something serious to say to or about your partner, humor can take the edge off and make it palatable.

In any case, you need to remember that humor-especially teasing- can transform a moment for the better, but it can also be transformed by the moment in which it is heard. What you say in jest may be taken in deadly seriousness. This is true with any other person-especially your life partner.

For example, your partner may make fun of an extended family member in private as a way of coping with unresolved negative feelings. When you do the same in front of others, you suddenly find yourself in trouble. His negative feelings don't change the fact that the person you're poking fun at is a family member who has played an important role in his life. It's easy to trip over someone else's feelings when you choose to tease.

Always reconsider any joke at your sweetheart's expense. Many jokes at someone else's expense are not received with as much good humor as it may seem. You may be touching on a vulnerability. Go gently, and keep your antennae tuned. Make a point of asking your partner about his feelings related to your teasing at a moment other than when you're joking. If you;re going to risk poking fun be prepared to apologize if your joking backfires.

Humor is indeed a gift, but it requires sensitivity, compassion, and self-restraint. In the interest of fair play, if you're going to ask your partner to be the fall guy, you had better be willing to play that role yourself. In fact, if you're determined to make someone the butt of a joke, maybe it should be you.--Richard Carlosn



November 16, 2009

Divide The Labor







Keeping a household running smoothly and with a minimum of stress involves management and cooperation. Even so, stress crops up over household matters, and no matter what how small the issues, perspective can be hard to maintain when the irritations are staring you in the face every time that you come home. It's worth some creative action to keep theses small matters in their place.

For example, when couples divide up their household labor in the early days of living together, they may decide who does what based on the traditions of their parents households or according to perceived individual preferences and strenghts. Often, however, these early decisions leave something to be desired. Perceived strengths turn out to be not so strong, preferences change, and the parental model doesn't apply by virtue of a different era, different personalities, and a different style of life. Stress develops.

Stress can also grow out of the simple human need for variety and revitalization. Household chores can be remarkably unrewarding.

Clothes are no sooner laundered than they are back in the hamper. The day after a good dusting, surfaces look fuzzy again. There's no keeping the kitchen sink free of dirty dishes.

Something as simple as periodically trading off household jobs can have a remarkably positive effect. It offsets boredom, brings a fresh eye to various chores, and gives each partner a greater appreciation for what the other does. You may create some fresh energy, as well, if you turn a solo job into a team effort from time to time. In addition to cutting the labor in half, you gain the pleasure of being together.
Maybe most invigoration of all-not to mention most loving-consider giving one another periodic vacations. One partner may agree to carry the whole load for a week. Or partners my decided that some part of the household work can go without attention for a little while. Better yet, if resources allow, a couple may want to hire someone to do what they usually manage themselves.

Whatever your solutions, keep household business out to the stress zone by giving it some creative attention. It's not worth fighting about it.---Richard Carlson


November 11, 2009

Working Through Your Holiday Expectations







As a newly married couple, how will you spend your first Thanksgiving, your first Christmas, and perhaps, every family holiday after that? If you are a couple in your early twenties, you are somewhat fresh out of the nest. Until now, you have most likely spent Christmas and Thanksgiving with your own family, and it’s been a warm time with fond memories and traditions. Now you have two sets of parents to consider, and each may hope you spend it with them.

You’ve probably seen movies in which this scenario is played out Hollywood style, i.e. the relationship of a sweet and happy newlywed couple gets severely tested with fights, hurt feelings, and estrangement over family holidays —only to be wonderfully resolved in 1 1/2 hours! For some couples, such a scenario is reality (except for the 1 1/2 hour resolve time!)

It’s discomforting to make choices between loved ones on such occasions, and it might be this way for you until you become parents and begin to develop your own family holiday events.

Sometimes the question is not only where you spend holidays but also how you spend them. You may have different styles of doing Christmas. One, for example, may think Christmas is pagan —no trees or presents allowed! The other may get ecstatic over decorating a tree with a zillion ornaments, piling gifts to the ceiling, and leaving cookies out for Santa Claus!

Likewise, Easter can be a time of purely celebrating Christ’s resurrection or it can be a time of little or no spiritual content —a time of chocolate bunnies and Easter egg hunts. So, what do you do? Let’s find out!
Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter:

1. Describe your family’s (or your) style of doing:
  • Thanksgiving:
  • Christmas:
  • Easter:

3. How will you handle subsequent family holidays?

4. Do you anticipate issues or problems with your parents over your holiday choices? Explain.

5. How important is it to celebrate Christmas with a tree and all the lights, decorations, stockings, etc.?

  • Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

6. How important is gift giving at Christmas?

  • Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

7. Do you want to celebrate Christmas with a manger scene and other biblical depictions?

Santa Claus and reindeer?

8. Will you promote Santa Claus (even as pretend time) to your children?

9. What are your views on promoting the Santa Claus story to children?

Halloween:

9. Explain your views about Halloween.

10. Will you let your children dress in costumes and go trick-or-treating? If so, what kind of costumes will you permit?

11. What are your views about a church-sponsored event on Halloween?

Anniversaries and Birthdays:


12. How important is celebrating anniversaries?
  • Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

How important is gift giving on anniversaries?

  • Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

How important is celebrating birthdays?

  • Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

How important is gift giving on birthdays?

  • Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

13. Explain how you want to celebrate anniversaries.

14. Explain how you want to celebrate birthdays.

15. If you have differences regarding holidays and other special occasions, how are you resolving these differences?

Parting thoughts about anniversaries:

For women, more so than for men, anniversaries are very special occasions full of meaning and importance, and women want their spouses to remember their anniversary without any hints. Women look forward to special treatment on these occasions —flowers, intimate, thoughtful gifts such as jewelry or perfume (not cookware or vacuum cleaners), dinner at a nice restaurant, and other such things.

Women want to know they are deeply loved and esteemed. Anniversaries are a time when the expectation for such affirmation is at its highest. It behooves a husband to know his wife in this matter. These things are so important to women that they are easily wounded by careless neglect and forgetfulness. Moreover, the wounds and pain can stay within them a very, very long time —even years.---http://www.marriagemissions.com/category/marriage-preparation-materials/




November 09, 2009

Called To Encourage Your Husband




Every woman is given a power that can bring about change, growth, and the fulfillment of potential in another person, especially a significant man in her life.

There are many women who try to encourage the men in their lives, and even think they are doing so. But it’s difficult to be an encourager if we don’t understand what encouragement really means.

To be an encourager you need to have an attitude of optimism. The American Heritage Dictionary has one of the better definitions of the word. It’s a “tendency or disposition to expect the best possible outcome, or to dwell on the most hopeful aspect of a situation. When this is your attitude or perspective, you’ll be able to encourage others. Encouragement is to “inspire; to continue on a chosen course; to impart courage or confidence.”

Encouragement is recognizing the other person as having worth and dignity. It means paying attention to them when they are sharing with you. It’s listening to them in a way that lets them know they’re being listened to.

The road to a person’s heart is through the ear. Men and women today have few people who really listen. When someone is talking most of us are often more concerned about what we are going to say when the other person stops talking. And this is a violation of Scripture. James tells all of us, men and women alike, to “be a ready listener.” Proverbs 18:13 states, “He who answers a matter before he hears the facts, it is folly and shame to him.”

Sometimes in an attempt to be an encourager, you end up crossing the line and become a pleaser. But that’s not the only line that can be crossed. We need to consider the worst things you could do for you and for him.

Avoid becoming a controller in your relationship and also avoid letting yourself be controlled . Sometimes one partner ends up being smothered by the other. Allowing this to happen is no way to encourage someone! If you end up letting the other person control you, the result is you end up feeling unnecessary. Total dependence on another is not the way Christ has called us to live. Jesus has called us to equality, not domination. Jesus called us to willingly serve one another, not just one to serve the other.

From the passage in Ephesians 5:22-31 and from the creation account, it’s possible to discover what a husband needs from his wife. As we look at the early chapters of Genesis we see he needs a woman of strength, a helper who will respond to his leadership as he sets out to subdue and populate the earth, Nancy Groom in her book Married without Masks states, “Adam (even after the Fall) would have been disappointed if Eve had refused to engage with him as his partner in the work God had called both of them to do. He did not need a slave; he needed a woman who knew who she was and was confident in her gifts. An alive, vibrant woman gives zest and excitement to her husband’s life. He needs that.”

Remember this fact: One of the main causes for the death of love on the part of one person for another is when their partner controls and dominates them.

Look at what God’s Word says: “For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither slave not free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:27-28, NASB).

Servanthood is the model of leadership that Jesus is teaching. Remember that the only way that you can really encourage another person in a healthy way is to be sure that you encourage yourself. And you can do this because of knowing who you are in Jesus Christ.

The best way to be healthy as well as to be an encourager in a relationship is to be healthily independent or interdependent. The person whose identity is found through others often ends up with relationships that are addictive.

Dependency in relationships is not a Christian calling except for being dependent upon God, which all men and women are called to be.

An independent woman thrives on individuality, few restrictions, and self-gratification. She finds her identity through herself.

But there is a third option called interdependence. The interdependent woman has a strong sense of personhood and bases this upon being affirmed by God. She knows she has been given gifts and is willing to use them, but she can also rely upon others. This woman views others as her equal and also values herself. Are you dependent, independent, or interdependent woman?

In Free to Be God’s Woman, Jan Congo gives four options in which to view ourselves and others. A dependent woman says, “I am nothing and you are nothing,” or “I am nothing but you are a person of worth and dignity.” The independent woman says, “I am a person of worth and dignity.” The independent woman says, “I am a person of worth and dignity but you are expendable.” The interdependent woman says, “I am a person of worth and dignity, and you are a person of worth and dignity.”

The interdependent woman allows herself and others the freedom to grow and be in process. She has role flexibility. She is relying on God’s expectations for herself rather than others. She enters into relationships with others but she does not restrict them nor is she responsible for them. She discovers the value of commitment.

Encouraging a husband does not mean that you become so absorbed in your husband that your identity and value come from him. It’s not becoming a doormat with no ideas, opinions, or voice, nor does it mean becoming an appeasing woman. Encouragement is not manipulation either. It’s not done for the purpose of reshaping him for your own dreams, desires, or wishes. Absorption, appeasement, and manipulation are actually forms of control.

Avoid mothering the man in your life. Let me say it another way. Never, but never mother a man. When you act like a mother you can’t encourage him. Treating an adult like a child is demeaning and makes you a controller! And if you mother him he will continue to act in a way that makes you continue to want to mother him and on and on and on.

How do mothers sound? Well for one thing they remind. They actually make the other person (child or adult) rely on them to bail them out. Anyway, why should the other person stop forgetting when he has someone who will remind him?

Similar to reminding is another approach. It’s called rescuing. How do you know if you tend to be a rescuer? Think about these factors.

Would that man be incapable of functioning in his daily life without your help? If so, don’t rescue. Encourage growth.

Do you tend to be stronger than him? If so, don’t reinforce his weaknesses and foster dependency. Find his potential and encourage growth.

Does he tend to be unhappy unless you’re doing something for him? If so, don’t play this game. Encourage by showing you believe in his capability to do it himself.

Does he make excuses for himself or do you make excuses for him? Remember excuses cripple and perpetuate helplessness.

But aren’t you to love another person by helping and serving? Yes, but it can become rescuing when you believe that it’s your responsibility to solve his problems or protect him from the results of what he’s done.

Rescuing doesn’t work. It doesn’t promote growth or change. It doesn’t help your man grow. It’s another word for fixing. Loving encouragement means support, being available, cooperative, and sympathetic. When you follow through with these you’re sending the message, “I believe in you. I believe in your capability to be responsible, mature, and an adult!”

Don’t do anything for your man that he should be (meaning capable of) doing for himself. If he asks you for something, and you’re used to getting it for him, let him get it for himself. Don’t make suggestions. Don’t pick up after him. Don’t bail him out of experiencing consequences. Yes, it probably means that your life could be a bit more frustrating. But you need to stick to your commitment. If you hear complaints let him know you know he’s capable of assuming the responsibility himself. You may be the first person in his life to show a belief that he can be different. Treat him as though he is reliable. I’ve seen so many women who end up being the clock, calendar, key finder, garbage reinforcer, and appointment regulator. Don’t rescue! Don’t bail him out!

In counseling I’ve dealt with men like this. As we discuss together the situation the dialogue goes something like this:

Norm: John, you have a fairly responsible job, don’t you?

John: Yes I do. I’ve been there three years now.

Norm: And you’ve received a couple of promotions, haven’t you?

John: Yes, one just recently.

Norm: John, when you’re at work who is it that reminds you of what to do, when to do it, how to do your job?

John: Well, no one. I can handle all that myself. I don’t need reminders.

Norm: So you don’t need any kind of reminders or support like that at work?

John: No.

Norm: I guess my question is what’s the difference? Why are you so different at work? You’re competent, reliable, functional, and you follow through. At home you’re just the opposite. It appears that you’re making a choice. You have the capability, and you choose to be that way at work. At home you have the same capability, but choose not to use it at home. I wonder what kind of message you’re sending to your wife?

If a man is functional at work and not at home, there’s some kind of game playing going on that needs to be exposed and stopped.

Sometimes a man may not act capable because of other reasons such as the fear of failure. When a man fails in one area, he will take on only “safe” tasks. Why should he attempt something that carried with it the uncertainty of risk? Therefore, some men will pull back from activities over which they don’t maintain a high degree of control or in which they aren’t certain of success.

Hebrews 3:13 says we’re to “encourage one another every day.” In the setting of this verse, encouragement is associated with protecting the believer from callousness.

Hebrews 10:25 says, “Let us encourage one another.” This time the word means to keep someone on their feet who, if left to himself, would collapse. Your encouragement serves like the concrete pilings of a structural support.

One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 12:25. “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but an encouraging word makes it glad.”

One man described why he felt encouraged. He said, “I was reading the Scriptures one day and found this passage. It summed it up better than I could say it.” “A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.”(Proverbs 31:10-21, MSG)

Hopefully you’re already encouraging the man in your life. The results may amaze you!

http://www.marriagemissions.com/category/for-married-women/