See You Jan. 2010!

Hello lovely peoples! I would like to thank each and every one of you who are followers, silent followers, stalkers, readers, viewers and supporters of this blog. However, due to the holiday season and all that is going on, I will not be posting on this blog until Jan. 2010.

Therefore, I'm taking a nice break from ALL of my blogs. I want to come back refreshed, renewed, rejuvenated, and have fresh new material for you all.

Some of you all may know that I manage 5 blogs. Well, I will now condense them down to 3!

Thank you all again for the love and support. Special shout out to all my commentors! I appreciate it. I hope and trust that everyone will have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Be safe, I love you all, and let 2010 be the best year from now on out. Live your life to the fullest in Jesus name! Amen!

See you all next year! (Sounds far doesn't it, lol!)

10 Eating Tips for a Healthy Holiday Season

Food is an important part of many holidays, celebrations, family and cultural traditions.In fact, special occasions often center around food. As a result, many people gain a little (or a lot of) weight between Thanksgiving and the New Year. What’s to blame? Perhaps it’s all the tempting treats available during the holiday season or the pressure from family, friends, and co-workers to overeat. Maybe it’s the increased emotional eating (whether it be from holiday stress or holiday joy) or the extreme laxity with eating and physical activity regimens in anticipation for the strict “new diet and exercise plan” you’re going to start January 1st. Regardless of the reasons, it is not necessary to avoid holiday festivities in an attempt to maintain your weight. Consider these 10 tips for fully enjoying the holiday season without gaining weight!

1. Focus on weight maintenance vs. weight loss during the holidays. If you are currently overweight and want to lose weight, this is not the time to do it. Maintenance of your present weight is a big enough challenge during the holiday season. Don’t set yourself up for failure by making unrealistic goals for yourself.

2. Plan on NOT dieting after the New Year. Anticipation of food restriction sets you up for binge-type eating over the holidays (“after all, if I’m never going let myself eat this again after Jan. 1st, I might as well eat as much as possible now!”) Besides, restrictive diets don’t work in the long run. They increase your loss of lean body mass vs. fat, slow down your metabolism, increase anxiety, depression, food preoccupation, and binge eating, and make weight re-gain more likely.

3. Be physically active every day. Often, students’ busy holiday schedules (or lack of structured schedules) bump them off their exercise routines. Physical activity, especially aerobic activities (like brisk walking, jogging, bicycling, roller blading, and swimming) can help relieve stress, regulate appetite, and burn up extra calories from holiday eating.

4. Eat a light snack before going to holiday parties. It is not a good idea to arrive at a party famished. Not only are you more likely to overeat, but you are also less likely to resist the temptation of eating the higher fat and higher calorie foods. Try eating a piece of fruit, a small carton of yogurt, or a string cheese before you go.

5. Make a plan. Think about where you will be, who you will be with, what foods will be available, what foods are really special to you (that you really want to eat) vs. those that you could probably do without, what are your personal triggers to overeat and how can you minimize them. Once you've thought about all of these things, make a plan of action. It's much easier to deal with a difficult social eating situation if you've already planned for it.

6. Take steps to avoid recreational eating. While some foods are more calorie-dense than others, no food will make you gain weight unless you eat too much of it. At parties and holiday dinners, we tend to eat (or keep eating) beyond our body’s physical hunger simply because food is there and eating is a “social thing.” To avoid recreational eating, consciously make one plate of the foods you really want. Eat it slowly--enjoying and savoring every tasty bite. Then, when you’re done, pop a mint or stick of gum in your mouth, get a tall glass of water and sip on it throughout the night, or position yourself away from the buffet table or food trays to keep yourself from overeating.

7. Reduce the fat in holiday recipes. There are plenty of low fat and low calorie substitutes that are amazingly tasty. Try using applesauce in place of oil in your favorite holiday breads; use egg substitutes in place of whole eggs; try plain nonfat yogurt in place of sour cream. Magazines are full of reduced calorie and reduced fat holiday recipes. Give them a try, and share your cooking creations with friends and family.

8. Choose your beverages wisely. Alcohol is high in calories. Liquors, sweet wines and sweet mixed drinks contain 150-450 calories per glass. By contrast, water and diet sodas are calorie-free. If you choose to drink, select light wines and beers, and use non-alcoholic mixers such as water and diet soda. Limit your intake to 1 or 2 alcoholic drinks per occasion. And, watch out for calories in soda, fruit punch, and egg nog as well.

9. Enjoy good friends and family. Although food can be a big part of the season, it doesn’t have to be the focus. Holidays are a time to reunite with good friends and family, to share laughter and cheer, to celebrate and to give thanks. Focus more on these other holiday pleasures, in addition to the tastes of holiday foods. The important thing to remember is balance and moderation. It’s OK to eat too much once in a while. Just relax, enjoy the holidays, and remember what the season is all about.

10. Maintain perspective: Overeating one day won't make or break your eating plan. And it certainly won't make you gain weight! It takes days and days of overeating to gain weight. If you over-indulge at a holiday meal, put it behind you. Return to your usual eating plan the next day without guilt or despair ?

Happy Holidays!

--Created by Sheri Barke, MPH, RD 2002

Shopping and Preparing For The Holidays

It's that time of year again. From Black Friday to preparing Christmas dinner, the hustle and bustle is on from now til January. Getting the home ready, putting up the tree, buying gifts, wrapping gifts, sending out Christmas cards, calling love ones checking in, and even hair/nail appointments, seems like the list never ends. It's best to shop early as possible. If you are a heavy shopper then you might need to consider to take a day off from your job. Let your theme be "Keep It Simple" when shopping. You can start by writing a list from family/friends to gifts and items that need to be brought. Make sure your list is very detail and as you complete each one, don't forget to check it off. If you are going to purchase an expensive gift, try and call around to different stores for prices. You might find it cheaper then what you anticipated on spending. Check your local newspaper for sales and coupons. This will help and make it easier on the pockets. Again, I highly encourage everyone to shop first thing in the morning. Lines are shorter, crowds are smaller and the store is more organized.

This is the time to keep everything organized and reasonable. Try and delegate holiday responsibilities to your husband and children (if you have any). You want to enjoy and have peace during this busy time of year. If you have older children, get them to participate more and make it fun. Teach your 5 year old how to wrap daddy's Christmas gift. Hang Christmas stockings (or whatever tradition you do this time of year) and have your children to decorate them.

If you do not have children, then there are plenty of things to do with other couples. Invite a few good married couples over and fellowship. Make if fun! Have everyone to bring a dish (make it easier on you *wink*), provide drinks and maybe an appetizer or two. Try and make a signature Christmas drink that everyone will enjoy and talk about. Hot apple cider, egg nog, creamy latte, or hot coco with a peppermint stick would do the trick! Play fun creative hands on games, go see a Christmas play at a church (free), watch a movie, or carpool to see the Christmas lights and have dessert afterwards. Just be creative. Who knows maybe this could be a start of a Christmas gathering at your house!

Whatever you do, remember to "Keep It Simple" and enjoy and embrace the season. If plans don't follow through, don't sweat it, just have a plan b. Don't sweat the small things. When it's all said and done, you want to have you sanity.

All that you do or don't get to do, don't stress it! Make the best out of it.

Yours Truly,

Lady A

Certain Things Need To Be Done In Private

Thought you could 'reveal' yourself to your spouse. Did your really think you could take off your wig, weave, lashes, makeup, girdle or whatever else you use to beautify yourself without him saying anything. If this is done, just be prepared to hear him complaining about it through conversation, argument, or the most embarrassing way, to his friend(s) or family.

Wives, please do certain beauty treatments in private. Believe it or not, this will save you later on and your husband will appreciate this (though he may never mention it). Husbands don't always understand the extent we go through for beauty and why. They may not understand why we have to use primer on our faces before we apply makeup, or placing a tight stocking cap on your head before you put your wig on. All they see is you looking like a pale ghost or a potential burglar. You may not want your husband seeing certain things that you do to be beautiful. It probably will freak them out and scar them. Having hair rollers, facial mask, body wraps, using mayo as hair conditioner, do-it-yourself home relaxers, hair color and whatever crazy home beauty treatments you may do, please try and have a set time when it's in your best interest.

Because I wear a lot of weaves and sometimes wigs, I do my hair when my hubby is out of the house. When he comes home, VIOLA! A new woman. He doesn't need to see the process. Or if I want to soak in the bath tub with vinegar (it smells funky, but is the best with body odor), I try and make sure he will be downstairs, basement, or going out with friends. I find it best to do all of my personal girly stuff on Sunday, why....FOOTBALL!!! My husband is glued to the t.v. and will not move off the couch.

Now let's be reasonable. There are several beauty treatments that I do with him around OR beauty treatments that I have him to help me out with. Wives, be your own judge on this. Some husbands may not mind seeing you transform from hot mess to beauty queen. You just have to know.

Again, use your own judgement. No one knows your husband better than you. If you are not sure if your home beauty treatments bother your husband then here are a few clues:

• Funny, dirty, questionable looks on his face
• Asking annoying questions in an irritate voice tone ie, "what's that smell?, what is that?, what is that for? why do you do that?, do you have to do that?, what the heck?"
• Complaining of hair/beauty treatment
• Grunts or rude moans when he sees you in your hair/beauty treatment regimen
• Sarcastic remarks

Wives, just be mindful when doing your hair/beauty treatments. Husbands don't need to know and see everything. Have and keep some mystery to yourself. This also helps the 'chase' of it all. We do want our hubby's to still chase us, so let the games continue!

Yours truly,

Resist Humor At Your Partner's Expense

Humor is a gift. Through humor, we lighten our daily load, gain perspective on our many flaws, and keep from taking thing too seriously. The ability to laugh at ourselves moves us toward balanced self-awareness.

But humor can also turn you on your head. What is funny to one person may be deeply offensive to another. What on person may intend as a lighthearted quip may inadvertently touch on another person's pain.

Perhaps most upsetting, however, is humor aimed at a life partner. Many couples develop a pattern of teasing on another in the company of others. Sometimes it's a way to show how well they know one another. Sometimes it's an attempt to avoid actual criticism of their partner, even though what they're communicating is, in fact, critical. Some couples use humor in private, as well, and sometimes to good effect. If you have something serious to say to or about your partner, humor can take the edge off and make it palatable.

In any case, you need to remember that humor-especially teasing- can transform a moment for the better, but it can also be transformed by the moment in which it is heard. What you say in jest may be taken in deadly seriousness. This is true with any other person-especially your life partner.

For example, your partner may make fun of an extended family member in private as a way of coping with unresolved negative feelings. When you do the same in front of others, you suddenly find yourself in trouble. His negative feelings don't change the fact that the person you're poking fun at is a family member who has played an important role in his life. It's easy to trip over someone else's feelings when you choose to tease.

Always reconsider any joke at your sweetheart's expense. Many jokes at someone else's expense are not received with as much good humor as it may seem. You may be touching on a vulnerability. Go gently, and keep your antennae tuned. Make a point of asking your partner about his feelings related to your teasing at a moment other than when you're joking. If you;re going to risk poking fun be prepared to apologize if your joking backfires.

Humor is indeed a gift, but it requires sensitivity, compassion, and self-restraint. In the interest of fair play, if you're going to ask your partner to be the fall guy, you had better be willing to play that role yourself. In fact, if you're determined to make someone the butt of a joke, maybe it should be you.--Richard Carlosn

Divide The Labor

Keeping a household running smoothly and with a minimum of stress involves management and cooperation. Even so, stress crops up over household matters, and no matter what how small the issues, perspective can be hard to maintain when the irritations are staring you in the face every time that you come home. It's worth some creative action to keep theses small matters in their place.

For example, when couples divide up their household labor in the early days of living together, they may decide who does what based on the traditions of their parents households or according to perceived individual preferences and strenghts. Often, however, these early decisions leave something to be desired. Perceived strengths turn out to be not so strong, preferences change, and the parental model doesn't apply by virtue of a different era, different personalities, and a different style of life. Stress develops.

Stress can also grow out of the simple human need for variety and revitalization. Household chores can be remarkably unrewarding.

Clothes are no sooner laundered than they are back in the hamper. The day after a good dusting, surfaces look fuzzy again. There's no keeping the kitchen sink free of dirty dishes.

Something as simple as periodically trading off household jobs can have a remarkably positive effect. It offsets boredom, brings a fresh eye to various chores, and gives each partner a greater appreciation for what the other does. You may create some fresh energy, as well, if you turn a solo job into a team effort from time to time. In addition to cutting the labor in half, you gain the pleasure of being together.

Maybe most invigoration of all-not to mention most loving-consider giving one another periodic vacations. One partner may agree to carry the whole load for a week. Or partners my decided that some part of the household work can go without attention for a little while. Better yet, if resources allow, a couple may want to hire someone to do what they usually manage themselves.

Whatever your solutions, keep household business out to the stress zone by giving it some creative attention. It's not worth fighting about it.---Richard Carlson

Working Through Your Holiday Expectations

As a newly married couple, how will you spend your first Thanksgiving, your first Christmas, and perhaps, every family holiday after that? If you are a couple in your early twenties, you are somewhat fresh out of the nest. Until now, you have most likely spent Christmas and Thanksgiving with your own family, and it’s been a warm time with fond memories and traditions. Now you have two sets of parents to consider, and each may hope you spend it with them.

You’ve probably seen movies in which this scenario is played out Hollywood style, i.e. the relationship of a sweet and happy newlywed couple gets severely tested with fights, hurt feelings, and estrangement over family holidays —only to be wonderfully resolved in 1 1/2 hours! For some couples, such a scenario is reality (except for the 1 1/2 hour resolve time!)

It’s discomforting to make choices between loved ones on such occasions, and it might be this way for you until you become parents and begin to develop your own family holiday events.

Sometimes the question is not only where you spend holidays but also how you spend them. You may have different styles of doing Christmas. One, for example, may think Christmas is pagan —no trees or presents allowed! The other may get ecstatic over decorating a tree with a zillion ornaments, piling gifts to the ceiling, and leaving cookies out for Santa Claus!

Likewise, Easter can be a time of purely celebrating Christ’s resurrection or it can be a time of little or no spiritual content —a time of chocolate bunnies and Easter egg hunts. So, what do you do? Let’s find out!

Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter:

1. Describe your family’s (or your) style of doing:

• Thanksgiving:
• Christmas:
• Easter:

3. How will you handle subsequent family holidays?

4. Do you anticipate issues or problems with your parents over your holiday choices? Explain.

5. How important is it to celebrate Christmas with a tree and all the lights, decorations, stockings, etc.?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

6. How important is gift giving at Christmas?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

7. Do you want to celebrate Christmas with a manger scene and other biblical depictions?

Santa Claus and reindeer?

8. Will you promote Santa Claus (even as pretend time) to your children?

9. What are your views on promoting the Santa Claus story to children?

Halloween:

9. Explain your views about Halloween.

10. Will you let your children dress in costumes and go trick-or-treating? If so, what kind of costumes will you permit?

11. What are your views about a church-sponsored event on Halloween?

Anniversaries and Birthdays:

12. How important is celebrating anniversaries?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

How important is gift giving on anniversaries?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

How important is celebrating birthdays?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

How important is gift giving on birthdays?

• Very … … … … … … Moderately … … … … … … Not at all

13. Explain how you want to celebrate anniversaries.

14. Explain how you want to celebrate birthdays.

15. If you have differences regarding holidays and other special occasions, how are you resolving these differences?

Parting thoughts about anniversaries:

For women, more so than for men, anniversaries are very special occasions full of meaning and importance, and women want their spouses to remember their anniversary without any hints. Women look forward to special treatment on these occasions —flowers, intimate, thoughtful gifts such as jewelry or perfume (not cookware or vacuum cleaners), dinner at a nice restaurant, and other such things.

Women want to know they are deeply loved and esteemed. Anniversaries are a time when the expectation for such affirmation is at its highest. It behooves a husband to know his wife in this matter. These things are so important to women that they are easily wounded by careless neglect and forgetfulness. Moreover, the wounds and pain can stay within them a very, very long time —even years.---http://www.marriagemissions.com/category/marriage-preparation-materials/

Called To Encourage Your Husband

Every woman is given a power that can bring about change, growth, and the fulfillment of potential in another person, especially a significant man in her life.

There are many women who try to encourage the men in their lives, and even think they are doing so. But it’s difficult to be an encourager if we don’t understand what encouragement really means.

To be an encourager you need to have an attitude of optimism. The American Heritage Dictionary has one of the better definitions of the word. It’s a “tendency or disposition to expect the best possible outcome, or to dwell on the most hopeful aspect of a situation. When this is your attitude or perspective, you’ll be able to encourage others. Encouragement is to “inspire; to continue on a chosen course; to impart courage or confidence.”

Encouragement is recognizing the other person as having worth and dignity. It means paying attention to them when they are sharing with you. It’s listening to them in a way that lets them know they’re being listened to.

The road to a person’s heart is through the ear. Men and women today have few people who really listen. When someone is talking most of us are often more concerned about what we are going to say when the other person stops talking. And this is a violation of Scripture. James tells all of us, men and women alike, to “be a ready listener.” Proverbs 18:13 states, “He who answers a matter before he hears the facts, it is folly and shame to him.”

Sometimes in an attempt to be an encourager, you end up crossing the line and become a pleaser. But that’s not the only line that can be crossed. We need to consider the worst things you could do for you and for him.

Avoid becoming a controller in your relationship and also avoid letting yourself be controlled . Sometimes one partner ends up being smothered by the other. Allowing this to happen is no way to encourage someone! If you end up letting the other person control you, the result is you end up feeling unnecessary. Total dependence on another is not the way Christ has called us to live. Jesus has called us to equality, not domination. Jesus called us to willingly serve one another, not just one to serve the other.

From the passage in Ephesians 5:22-31 and from the creation account, it’s possible to discover what a husband needs from his wife. As we look at the early chapters of Genesis we see he needs a woman of strength, a helper who will respond to his leadership as he sets out to subdue and populate the earth, Nancy Groom in her book Married without Masks states, “Adam (even after the Fall) would have been disappointed if Eve had refused to engage with him as his partner in the work God had called both of them to do. He did not need a slave; he needed a woman who knew who she was and was confident in her gifts. An alive, vibrant woman gives zest and excitement to her husband’s life. He needs that.”

Remember this fact: One of the main causes for the death of love on the part of one person for another is when their partner controls and dominates them.

Look at what God’s Word says: “For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither slave not free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:27-28, NASB).

Servanthood is the model of leadership that Jesus is teaching. Remember that the only way that you can really encourage another person in a healthy way is to be sure that you encourage yourself. And you can do this because of knowing who you are in Jesus Christ.

The best way to be healthy as well as to be an encourager in a relationship is to be healthily independent or interdependent. The person whose identity is found through others often ends up with relationships that are addictive.

• Dependency in relationships is not a Christian calling except for being dependent upon God, which all men and women are called to be.

• An independent woman thrives on individuality, few restrictions, and self-gratification. She finds her identity through herself.

• But there is a third option called interdependence. The interdependent woman has a strong sense of personhood and bases this upon being affirmed by God. She knows she has been given gifts and is willing to use them, but she can also rely upon others. This woman views others as her equal and also values herself. Are you dependent, independent, or interdependent woman?

In Free to Be God’s Woman, Jan Congo gives four options in which to view ourselves and others. A dependent woman says, “I am nothing and you are nothing,” or “I am nothing but you are a person of worth and dignity.” The independent woman says, “I am a person of worth and dignity.” The independent woman says, “I am a person of worth and dignity but you are expendable.” The interdependent woman says, “I am a person of worth and dignity, and you are a person of worth and dignity.”

The interdependent woman allows herself and others the freedom to grow and be in process. She has role flexibility. She is relying on God’s expectations for herself rather than others. She enters into relationships with others but she does not restrict them nor is she responsible for them. She discovers the value of commitment.

Encouraging a husband does not mean that you become so absorbed in your husband that your identity and value come from him. It’s not becoming a doormat with no ideas, opinions, or voice, nor does it mean becoming an appeasing woman. Encouragement is not manipulation either. It’s not done for the purpose of reshaping him for your own dreams, desires, or wishes. Absorption, appeasement, and manipulation are actually forms of control.

Avoid mothering the man in your life. Let me say it another way. Never, but never mother a man. When you act like a mother you can’t encourage him. Treating an adult like a child is demeaning and makes you a controller! And if you mother him he will continue to act in a way that makes you continue to want to mother him and on and on and on.

How do mothers sound? Well for one thing they remind. They actually make the other person (child or adult) rely on them to bail them out. Anyway, why should the other person stop forgetting when he has someone who will remind him?

Similar to reminding is another approach. It’s called rescuing. How do you know if you tend to be a rescuer? Think about these factors.

• Would that man be incapable of functioning in his daily life without your help? If so, don’t rescue. Encourage growth.

• Do you tend to be stronger than him? If so, don’t reinforce his weaknesses and foster dependency. Find his potential and encourage growth.

• Does he tend to be unhappy unless you’re doing something for him? If so, don’t play this game. Encourage by showing you believe in his capability to do it himself.

• Does he make excuses for himself or do you make excuses for him? Remember excuses cripple and perpetuate helplessness.

But aren’t you to love another person by helping and serving? Yes, but it can become rescuing when you believe that it’s your responsibility to solve his problems or protect him from the results of what he’s done.

Rescuing doesn’t work. It doesn’t promote growth or change. It doesn’t help your man grow. It’s another word for fixing. Loving encouragement means support, being available, cooperative, and sympathetic. When you follow through with these you’re sending the message, “I believe in you. I believe in your capability to be responsible, mature, and an adult!”

Don’t do anything for your man that he should be (meaning capable of) doing for himself. If he asks you for something, and you’re used to getting it for him, let him get it for himself. Don’t make suggestions. Don’t pick up after him. Don’t bail him out of experiencing consequences. Yes, it probably means that your life could be a bit more frustrating. But you need to stick to your commitment. If you hear complaints let him know you know he’s capable of assuming the responsibility himself. You may be the first person in his life to show a belief that he can be different. Treat him as though he is reliable. I’ve seen so many women who end up being the clock, calendar, key finder, garbage reinforcer, and appointment regulator. Don’t rescue! Don’t bail him out!

In counseling I’ve dealt with men like this. As we discuss together the situation the dialogue goes something like this:

Norm: John, you have a fairly responsible job, don’t you?

John: Yes I do. I’ve been there three years now.

Norm: And you’ve received a couple of promotions, haven’t you?

John: Yes, one just recently.

Norm: John, when you’re at work who is it that reminds you of what to do, when to do it, how to do your job?

John: Well, no one. I can handle all that myself. I don’t need reminders.

Norm: So you don’t need any kind of reminders or support like that at work?

John: No.

Norm: I guess my question is what’s the difference? Why are you so different at work? You’re competent, reliable, functional, and you follow through. At home you’re just the opposite. It appears that you’re making a choice. You have the capability, and you choose to be that way at work. At home you have the same capability, but choose not to use it at home. I wonder what kind of message you’re sending to your wife?

If a man is functional at work and not at home, there’s some kind of game playing going on that needs to be exposed and stopped.

Sometimes a man may not act capable because of other reasons such as the fear of failure. When a man fails in one area, he will take on only “safe” tasks. Why should he attempt something that carried with it the uncertainty of risk? Therefore, some men will pull back from activities over which they don’t maintain a high degree of control or in which they aren’t certain of success.

Hebrews 3:13 says we’re to “encourage one another every day.” In the setting of this verse, encouragement is associated with protecting the believer from callousness.

Hebrews 10:25 says, “Let us encourage one another.” This time the word means to keep someone on their feet who, if left to himself, would collapse. Your encouragement serves like the concrete pilings of a structural support.

One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 12:25. “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but an encouraging word makes it glad.”

One man described why he felt encouraged. He said, “I was reading the Scriptures one day and found this passage. It summed it up better than I could say it.” “A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.”(Proverbs 31:10-21, MSG)

Hopefully you’re already encouraging the man in your life. The results may amaze you!

http://www.marriagemissions.com/category/for-married-women/

Business Wife in Effect/Polish Your Act

Does your management style need a face lift?

Top managers must be able to relate to and motivate many different personality types. And women – with our inherent empathy and communication skills – are taking the helm in redefining leadership. But if you haven't adapted your style since the era when the more masculine, top-down management systems reigned, it may be time to re-evaluate your effectiveness as a leader. Here are five signs it's time to take some drastic measures to update your management technique:

1. "Because I Said So"

Are you constantly telling people what to do and expecting them to follow orders without explanations, motivation or input? Are you surprised when they don't do what they are told – or don't do it with much enthusiasm? Today's employees are accustomed to working with collaborative leaders. Rather than saying, "Here is what we are going to do," try, "How can we do this?" Incorporate their suggestions into the plan and give credit where due.

2. Gotcha!

Are you a card-carrying member of MBWA (Management by Walking Around)? Is the perception that you are walking around to catch people doing something wrong? The next time you stroll through your office, have a purpose. Look for opportunities to interact with team members. Catch them doing something right and provide positive feedback.

3. Ms. Know-It-All

Experienced managers who have weathered all types of economic conditions understand what it is like to work with a slim staff or no staff when they had no choice. Today's business climate calls for leaders who ask the right questions. Resist the temptation to share all your knowledge, and try something new. Rather than providing your team with the answers, ask them the right questions and brainstorm ideas as a group – or at least ask for feedback to your idea. When problem-solving, there is always strength in numbers. And the team whose input is solicited and respected will go the extra mile to make the solution work.

4. Information Control

Are you hoarding information that should be accessible to members of your organization? Are you afraid if others have this information you will lose control? Knowledge is still power, but today's successful managers recognize the value of sharing information. The ability to rely on and coach individuals is highly valued in today's workplace. When promoting employees to senior management roles, companies seek candidates with strong mentoring skills.

5. Stretching Your Style

The older we get, the more set we become in our ways. A rigid style might have worked for you in the past, but today's workers value flexibility. No one expects you to be able to do a back bend. However, with a little bit of stretching, you should be able to add flexibility to your management style. It takes practice. The next time an employee approaches you with a valid situation, find a way to grant her request – or at least compromise. Little by little you can work on flexing your management style so that it feels comfortable for both you and your employees.
By Roberta Chinsky Matuson

Help! My Husband Won't Get Rid Of His Mistress

It's unfortunate that in some marriages wives have to deal with the 'other woman'. The other woman should be his mother, but that 's not always the case. Wives, marriage is not for the weak at heart or for the faint. You must be ROOTED in the word of God and have Christ as your solid foundation. There is more. We must walk in love, love the unlovable and be patience. How many are willing to do this in a marriage? So easy when everything is going well and your husband loves on you, but what about if he is loving someone else? Taking care of someone else mentally, physically, financially, and soul? Giving her the respect, affection, love, attention, conversation that you well deserve. All you may get is a hi and bye, and not even a peck on the check. Or the children get more love from your husband. Hurtfully, huh? No one wants to go through or deal with something like this, but there are a lot of wives who are.

IF YOU WANT YOUR MARRIAGE:
First, you must be strong enough to stand for your marriage. The key is to ask God for more of His grace. Ask the lord to shield your heart and ask the Lord to love on you more. It's best to get your love from the one true love, God, and not something/someone else. Ask for strength to get through this season. Just know that there is victory at the end! Pray for your spouse as your brother, not husband. Deception may have the best of him now, but God will reveal and deal with your husband in His timing. Fast if the Lord is leading you to do so. This is a spiritual fight and you need to be sensitive to the voice of the Lord. If He says, praise, then praise, if He says fast, then turn down your plate, if He says pray in tongues, anoint your husband's shoes etc, then be obedient and do it!

Some husbands may want you to agree with his extra marital affair. There are even some wives who may even 'find' a woman for their husband's fetish and be okay with it. These wives mentality are, "I rather know who he's doing it with and know she is ......" I recall one relative of mine putting condoms in her husband's suitcase every time he would go away on a business or R&R trip. She said that she rather for him to be safe and not bring a disease home to her. Either way, it's still wrong and not pleasing in the eyes of the Lord. Do not condone this behavior in anyway. Stand for truth and righteousness.

Just because you stay with your spouse doesn't mean you are agreeing with his affair. You are agreeing with the vows you took before God. You promised God that you will stay married and love, keep, honor your husband through the good and bad, through sickness and through strength, etc...So this is the bad. So don't let people or naysayers say that you are 'stupid, dumb' for staying in the marriage when it maybe evident that he has someone else. Walking in love is not always easy. You will know the true meaning of unconditional love when the season of infidelity is over.

Get in God's presence and surround yourself with positive uplifting people. During this time, keep your mouth shut! If you don't want to hear it being repeated, then close it.

Also, I deeply encourage to get the book, 'Power of A Praying Wife'. This book hit all areas concerning the husband. Remember all prayers you pray over your spouse will not return void! Prayer changes things *wink*

IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR MARRIAGE:

Then you need to allow God to heal your heart. Don't be quick to make a lifetime decision off of emotions. Calm down, stay calm and allow the Lord to love on you. He knows how you are feeling. The hurt, betrayal, anguish, anxiety, pain, confusion, fear, insecure, doubt, alone and the list goes on....please release all those negative feelings and receive God's peace, love, healing, security, clarity, and all of whatever you need. Fear not! For God has your best interest at heart. Let this time allow you to draw closer to God and watch Him bring you out. No, it's not an overnight process, it takes time. If you are willing, then God can do so much more for you and your family. Don't fight your husband because all that is going to do is push him away further. Just allow God to use you and show him love.

If your husband wants a divorce, then be still. If the divorce papers are there and he wants to be free, then you must release him. If this is the case then be free and just know that it's not over til God says it's over. Remember, don't allow the devil to use you. Do what God will have you to do. He'll give you the want and desire to love your husband again. Trust me, I know.....

Yours truly,

Don't Make Him Guess What You Want

To men, your silence means one thing: that everything is just fine with you the way things are. To him, if you are not requesting, demanding, or protesting anything, nothing's broke; and if it ain't broke he won't try to fix it. The best thing you could do for him and for yourself is to ask for what you want. There's no guarantee that you'll always get it, but at least you give him something clear and concrete to either deliver or deny. He can use his energy to respond to your need, rather than to guess what it is.

A common false belief, held by many women who love men, is that real love means either: (a) He should already know what I want or need; or (b) If he doesn't know he should take it upon himself to ask,and ask, and ask...Men are much better at loving by giving and doing, than at asking and guessing. To get the best of his love, open our mouth and state your case.

Men love to satisfy their women's desires. It makes them feel quite capable and needed (both of which they love). Men despise hopping around to supply every selfish whim or wish-list item that their women make known. It makes them feel exploited. If you clearly communicate to him what you truly appreciate, believe me, he'll let you know one way or the other where he stands.

Say it: "I will never be without what I desire from the man I love because I did not make it known. He will know it because I will say it."

Do it: " What do you want from him that you are not clearly making known to him? Before you ask him, ask yourself: Is this a realistic request? Is he the right person to ask it of? Is this the right time? If the answer is no to any one of these, table or trash your request. If the answer is yes, calmly, clearly, kindly ask for what you want.---Dr. Ronn Elmore

How To Keep Your Skin Looking Young!

It is never to early to start worrying about keeping one’s skin young, don’t wait till you are in your 50’s to begin stressing about fighting wrinkles and age spots. By developing healthy skin habits in your 20’s you can work towards eliminating the skin problems you might encounter in your later years. Below is a list of how to achieve this.

The most important things to remember in keeping your skin young are these rules:
1. You ARE what you EAT.
It is important to understand that everything you put inside your mouth comes out through your skin. If you eat foods that are high in grease and lacking of nutrients, you tend to break out and produce unnecessary oil. It is also important for you to remember that what you eat plays a huge role in how you age. While simple carbs ( white sugar, cookies, candy) tend to speed up your ageing process, complex carbs found in vegetables and fruits tend to rejuvenate you and de-age your skin.

It is also important to remember to eat the right fat, as it tends to keep the skin plump and younger. It is important that you ensure that your diet is one of healthy proteins and fats like omega-3 and omega-6 essential fatty acids that are found in fish, nuts, soy products and fortified eggs. These fats help your body produce your skin’s natural oil barrier that hydrates it, as well as help in reducing acne-prone inflammations.

EXERCISE De-ages your body

If you are not a big fan of working-out to stay healthy, you should think twice; considering thatexercise plays a tremendous role on how young your body will look and feel in the future. Whether it is bike riding, walking, aerobics or strength training, your body and skin tremendously benefits from this. Here are a few benefits to exercising for a tighter and younger looking skin.

i. Exercise helps to strengthen your heart and lungs.

ii. It also works to decrease your blood pressure and LDL; also known as the bad cholesterol.

iii. Strength training, most importantly works to prevent the loss of bone mass; keeping your bones healthy and strong throughout the years.

iv. But most importantly, exercise works to increase the flow of blood in the body which not only helps in keeping your hair healthy, but also works to help release toxins in the body.

Keyword to everlasting youth: MOISTURIZE

In working towards keeping your skin looking young, it is very important to remember to MOISTURIZE both inside and outside. You moisturize your body from the inside by drinking lots of water. Water helps rid your body of toxins, as well as keeping your skin hydrated.

Moisturizing your body outside is done by apply appropriate creams and lotions. One of the most important habits you can adopt towards keeping a younger looking skin is to REMEMBER To WEAR SUNSCREEN. It is important to remember that the number one factor in aging fast is EXCESSIVE SUN EXPOSURE!! Not only is excessive sun exposure damaging to your skin, but it is the number cause of skin cancer. Developing a healthy habit of wearingsunscreen, works towards reducing the sun’s damage and eliminating wrinkles; as well as, reducing the effect of uneven skin pigmentation that can also come from too much sun exposure.

Apart from wearing Sunscreen, it is very important to remember to always moisturize your skin. One of the fastest ways to age your skin is to leave it dry; because as you get older, your body begins to lose its ability to naturally moisturize itself. Therefore it is important that you always remember to moisturize yourself from head to toe.
REMEMBER, you can start now to rewind the hands of time before it is too late!

Author: Azara

Infertility: A Season Of Purpose

As we live our lives and go through its many seasons we will experience various kinds of personal loss and grief such as with singleness, marriage, parenthood, and career. Solomon recognized that God had “an appointed time” or “season” for each event in our lives. In Ecclesiastes 3:1,2, he says,

“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven —A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.”

Like each of life’s seasons, the season of fertility contains its own personal challenges. Some

couples do not experience infertility difficulties until after the birth of their first baby. The months and years pass them by while their first child is growing older and the span of potential years between the first and second is becoming greater.

Accepting the truth about our season of infertility is difficult whether we have none or six children.

For a Jewish woman in Biblical times, to be barren was shameful. Sons were needed to help support the family business and to proliferate the Jewish race. Family was very important to the Jewish tradition. Women were culturally and religiously expected to produce heirs causing them to compare their own personal worth as a wife to how many heirs they produced for their husband.

And, today, some of these cultural traditions and expectations continue, but they are subtle with less direct pressure. Modern forms of shame have emerged in our current culture due to past indiscretions, sex before marriage, abortion, and waiting “too long” to try to get pregnant. We tend to blame our infertility on ourselves promoting the feeling of condemnation from those who believe we have something terribly wrong with us because we are childless. These haunting feelings of inadequacy and failure can penetrate the depths of our marriage, causing relational difficulties.

Infertile couples may even blame each other for their failure to conceive. Sometimes distraught couples begin to reject each other. They begin to point to each other’s past mistakes and sins to substantiate their blame. A couple can be ripped apart at the seams when this destructive behavior is not identified and immediately stopped allowing confession and forgiveness to take place.

Infertility can highlight unresolved hurt and anger in a marriage. When a couple has not developed healthy coping skills with which to overcome difficulties and conflict within their marriage relationship, infertility will certainly put a spotlight on this deficiency.

There are some who claim that it is not personal sin, but their dashed dreams and unfulfilled expectations in having children that have brought them severe pain and anguish. These couples may cry out to God and say, “Why have you kept this blessing of children from our life?” We have tried to live a pure and righteous life! Why us?” However, God’s Word says that he does not withhold blessings from us. Psalms 34:10 says, “The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; But they who seek the LORD shall not be in want of any good thing.”

Blaming God for our barrenness can cause bitterness, hatred, anger, resentment, and much more sin to take hold in our souls that will slowly begin to corrupt us. Blaming God only distances ourselves from our loving creator. We need to seek Him during our time of affliction and we are not to turn away from Him. Psalms 33:20 tells us, “Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield.”

As I struggled with childlessness while hiding my shame, blame and guilt; I found myself just trying to cope in my normal daily life. A few coping mechanisms I identified in my own dysfunction looked like this:

• I avoided activities where families will be present
• I dreaded the celebrations associated with Mother’s Day
• I immediately declined all invitations to baby showers because it hurt too much.

Some of the infertile women and men of the Bible used impure coping mechanisms with which to handle their feelings of shame and lack of self-worth. Sarah was anxious, Rachel was envious, Leah was jealous, and Hannah was depressed. Like these women, today, we may use similar methods to keep us from feeling the pain of infertility.

Compulsive coping mechanisms do not relieve our pain and will only give us short-term control of our situation. Once we recognize we are not coping in righteousness, we need to immediately go to our Heavenly Father and follow His way to cope with our infertility in a more fruitful manner.

This can be accomplished by:

• Asking God To Reveal Sin
• Confessing Sin (wrong thoughts, beliefs, actions)
• Resetting Our Standard

How Do I Reset My Standard?

Step 1: Walk in Faith

The easy way out of a situation is to do what everyone around is telling us to do. Well-meaning friends, relatives, and doctors can give advice and persuade us to follow the world’s path. Submitting our desires to God and waiting for his confirmation and direction can seem an impossible task when we are in deep depression. All these factors make it a challenge to reset our standard to God’s, but it is this challenging time when God does some of His mightiest work.However, God’s ways are not man’s ways (Isaiah 55:8). When we feel desperate in our human abilities and we choose to depend on God, we see Him move in incredible ways. This is when our faith is stretched and strengthened and we become closer to God than we have ever been.

Step 2: Surrender Control to God

God wants us to know He is in control of our past, present and future. He proved His position of control to us with the lives of Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah and Elizabeth. God’s perfect timing and great plans are more important than our desires and selfish demands. As Elizabeth and Zacharias (Luke 1) did, we need to remain focused on God’s bigger plan for our lives. We need to let Him operate in His perfect will and timing specific to His global perspective and plan. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”God tells us in Proverbs 21:5 that we are to do nothing in desperation. The passage says, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, but everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty.” Resist the temptations associated with desperation and turn your face to God for His answers. Becoming sensitive to God’s voice and direction develops as we mature in Christ.

Step 3: Learn to Manage Expectations of Family and Friends

Well-meaning friends and family can create additional stress in our lives during infertility. I remember for myself as we were probed us for answers regarding our childless situation. The personal questions and careless statements often felt hurtful as we struggled through our infertility issues. For couples that are experiencing similar probing, it is important to realize that these family members and friends are showing their concern and interest about your life in the only way they know. It is easy for a grieving couple to believe people are being “nosey” and insensitive when in fact the opposite is true.

Step 4: Recognize the Blessings of Infertility

With the emotional ups and downs of infertility, the only way we can experience true hope and peace is through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. God uses times of infertility and loss in our lives to bring us closer to Him. He desires that we rely on Him for meeting our needs and wants. He wants us to give control over to Him. He wants us to recognize our human limitations and yield to His ways.The blessings we receive from our pain and suffering are sometimes difficult to acknowledge when we are deeply involved within our struggle. However, we are instructed by God’s Word to be thankful in all things (Phil. 4:6-7). In our despair, we must open our eyes and let them expand beyond ourselves, to see God at work. He is always “at work.” We need to recognize that we are a small part of a much bigger picture. Sometimes it takes a crisis in our lives before we can slow down and recognize the blessings He is bountifully bestowing on us.

Step 5: Ask God, “What is Your Plan for Me?”

Waiting on God during infertility can be a very trying time. We are tempted to place many of our future plans and decisions on hold while we seek and ponder which direction to take in our lives.We ask, “Should I buy that new house or car, quit my job, save money, serve on that board or committee, set up a nursery, and place that seed of excitement in my heart?” So much of our decision-making rests on the answer to the question, “God, what is your plan for me?”Life cannot come to a standstill while we wait for our “little blessing” to arrive. Keep moving forward in your plans while seeking God’s direction. Proverbs 16:9 puts it this way, “The mind of a man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.”It was a difficult and painful reality to come to terms with the fact that I had potentially missed my greatest opportunity to have a child of my own. I had squandered my fruitfulness on empty dreams and deceptive beliefs. This must have been how the prodigal son felt when he came to his senses and realized he had squandered his inheritance on emptiness and foolishness.

But, thankfully our God is a God of second chances who is loving, gracious and merciful to our needs and desires. As in the book of Joel, God says he restores what the locusts have eaten. We do not always know or understand how He will do this, but His Word says He will and I believe His Word. I may have missed my season of fertility, but God had mercy on me and gave me a second chance, in a unique and surprising way. During healing from my grief of infertility, God showed me that I am not in control of my fertility, He is. Through exercising humility, I came to understand that I have no entitlement to mother-hood. Becoming a mother is purely a blessing from God.

Step 6: Don’t Compare

I strongly urge you to resist comparing your life against the backdrop of other people’s lives. Your neighbor or co-worker may appear to have the perfect life with children, but we do not know the real path or true pain of their lives. The path God designed for you contains a valuable purpose. Let go of the temptation to believe that God has forgotten you. Have patience and courage to wait for God to act and confirm His will on His timetable. As I pursued God’s plan for my life, He began to unfold it for me and I finally concluded that His plan was beautiful, unique, purposeful, and created just for me.

As I have seen in countless situations, God uses a season of infertility for His purposes. The main purpose can be to allow healing in one or both of the couples’ lives from a buildup of a series of traumatic or grievous events. Another purpose may be to help drive the couple closer to Himself and to each other. Sometimes infertility allows for the consideration of adoption to help care for the world’s tremendous orphan needs. However, whatever the reason for infertility, God wants to use the time of waiting for His purpose and for His glory. I urge you to not give up hope during your season of infertility but to seek God for His answers.

kimberly taylor

Take Care of the Smell After Sex

After your husband ejaculates inside of you, over time your vagina may have a not so pleasant scent. It is important to care for yourself properly after sex just as you do before the sex. This maybe elementary information, however it's still needful and can be overlooked due to distractions of being a wife.

One way to care for yourself is the basic soap and water. Now this is good, but it only gets the outer part of the vagina. The real odor comes from within. I know studies now say that douching is not the best solution because it drys the vagina out. However douching once or twice a month should be alright. If your vagina is dry, then you could purchase, a lubricant that is designed to be inserted in the vagina. It's like a light oil. FDS carries the product which can be purchased at Wal-mart or any drug store.

Another way to clean yourself properly is with a feminine wash. This would be an excellent choice because this wash is a gentle, soap free cleanser designed to gently wash away odor causing bacteria from the external vaginal.

Now the best approach in my opinion is to soak in the bath tub. Add vinegar to your bath water. Vinegar is an excellent odor replant. When bathing, those extra body fluids will come out. This way, water does seep into the vagina giving it a light cleanse.



It's best to keep feminine wipes in your purse for quick sex moments with your husband when you are out and about. Hey, it happens. Best to be prepared, right? Also, when done cleaning yourself from the use of the bathroom. It's best to use a scented panie liner to catch any discharge from sex. This discharge could have a smelly odor so it 's best to be protected and use a feminine spray if needed. You don't want to walk around with the 'wet' feeling. Not pleasant at all!


Why do I mention all of this? Why not? Besides, may not be you, but have you ever been in your car sitting and you smell yourself? It's not a fishy scent, but it's a light foul odor, so you find yourself keeping your legs tightly closed or especially if you are in public? Or maybe you went to the bathroom, pulled down your panies and boom! The foul sex scent hits you in your face (even after you cleaned properly, it's still the discharge of your husband's sperm and your discharge). Matter of fact, when you are done, you are hoping that no one goes in that bathroom stall that you were in. Doesn't have to be a public bathroom, it could be your own bathroom at home and your husband uses it right after you. Save yourself the embarrassment! Again, maybe not you, but you know that female friend you have and her vagina has an odor and you don't know how to tell her. Don't let it be you because it can happen.

So it's best to stay on top of your 'A' game. Do this by keeping feminine wipes and maybe a feminine spray in your purse so you can freshen up anytime and feel confident sitting, standing, dancing and even using the public bathroom.

Yours truly,

Good Wife Qualities

If you’re a wife wanting to improve yourself, your marriage or your relationship – take a look at these 7 qualities of a good wife. Good fruit will come from these basic qualities anyone can develop.

7) Nag free. Ladies, a good wife is going to be nag free. Nagging is an ineffective method of trying to get your husband to perform a task you desire. Trust me ladies – it doesn’t work and often will have the opposite of its intended affect.

6) Supportive. Are you supportive? What does it mean to be supportive? Do you belittle your man or do you help him to feel good about himself, his job, activities? Your husband will be much more respectful of you if you support him. Even when you don’t agree with him – respectfully let him know you don’t agree – then support him anyway. Otherwise, if he has difficulties – he’ll feel as though you’re adding to his troubles.

5) Build up your man. Ladies, there’s no quicker way to build resentment in your man than to criticize him – especially in front of others. On the flip side – try genuinely complementing your husband in front of other people. Your husband will glow with admiration toward you and you’ll feel his appreciation as love.

4) Keep him happy in the bedroom. Unfortunately, many women underestimate the importance of keeping her man’s needs met. Often this comes from the basic differences in women and men. For men, sexual desire is much like physical hunger and if it’s not fed properly – the relationship will struggle. Women must look to understand the needs of the man from his perspective not hers.

3) Respect. A good wife will try to treat her man with respect. How? Much of learning how to be respectful toward your husband has to do with the way you talk to him. The old phrase “It’s not so much what you say but how you say it” should become a wife’s motto. This doesn’t mean you need to be careful what you say to your husband – just be respectful in the way you say it.

2) Communicate. Ironically, good communication between men and women can be quite frustrating. However, a good wife will seek to discover what’s on her mind and find a way to express herself to her husband. Often, men and women will make a joint decision – while the man thinks she’s in agreement with him – but only to discover later that she thought the decision was a bad idea.

1) Be pleasant. Work to be pleasant toward your husband. Don’t be one of those people who makes everyone around you feel bad just because you’ve had a hard day. Good things will come from being pleasant. It’s a decision – just decide to be pleasant. But if you can’t be pleasant – make a decision not to bring him down with you.---author unknown

2009 Ultimate Fitness Plan

The strength moves in the Ultimate Fitness Plan are designed as a circuit: You do one move right after another, with little rest in between. Research shows that this type of training boosts calorie burn both during a workout and for an hour afterward by 10 percent over traditional routines.

Do each move for 30 seconds (weeks 1 and 2), then 60 seconds (weeks 3 and 4). Rest for 30 seconds between moves. Do each circuit four times, resting for 2 minutes after the second one. Follow the schedule below. Yes, you do something six days a week, but no workout takes more than 30 minutes out of your busy day.

Monday Moves 1-5 (Goal: Stand Up Straight)
Tuesday Moves 6-10 (Goal: Bulletproof Your Body)
Wednesday Move 11 / Interval Training (Goal: Banish Belly Fat)
Thursday Moves 1-5
Friday Moves 6-10
Saturday Move 11
Sunday Rest*

* You can start the program on any day and choose your own rest day; just don't do the same workout on consecutive days.

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/2009-ultimate-fitness-plan-workout-1

How To Handle the Female Friend Who Likes Your Husband

During your marriage life, you may really need to be selective of the female friends you may have around your husband and in your home. All are not always out for your best interest. Some maybe secretly jealous of your marriage, just plain ole lonely, and some could even have a crush on your husband.

You will know who the 'Judas' is just by body language, word choice, and the always concerned what your husband whereabouts are.

One of the body languages could be the constant flirting, light touching which normally goes with the ongoing giggles and laughter, and the famous eye balling. Quick sneak glances or stares at your husband are just a few of the signs. Also, the constant being in his face is another dead give away your female friend may likes your husband.

Word choices are also possible red flags of a female friend liking you husband. Subtle hints or messages in conversation with your husband are the big and obvious crush signs. Wives, please do not be naive! Take notice of what my be going on. Just keep on eye out. I understand somethings may not always appear of what it seems, however just keep note of what is going on.

Last by not least, when the female friend is always asking about your husband. His likes, dislikes, questions of "is he home?", what time does he get off, personal questions and the list goes on. Wives can I suggest something. Be VERY reluctant of giving your husband's cell phone number to a female friend. Things happen or innocent reasons of her having his number may occur, but please, by all means, avoid it! This could hit you in the face later down the line. I'll give a quick scenario: Girlfriend is going through, ie pain, breakup, lost of..., or just need someone to talk to. She calls everyone on her contact but no one is available (We all have had those days). She's desperate. She sees your hubby's number. She calls, they talk, he soothes her over, and they both enjoy each other's conversation. Later, he may call to check up on her or she may call back thanking him for giving his time and concern. A little innocent bond is now made. Later, possibly you got in a fight with the husband. He wants to vent and talk to someone so he calls "her". She soothes him over assuring him it's ok. Next thing could happen, he gives her subtle compliments and vice versa. To make it short, feelings may start to surface and need I say more. You can play with the story, doesn't have to happen like that, but you all know where I'm coming from.

When in the public eye and a female or even a friend is constantly flirting with your husband, STAY CALM. I cannot stress this enough. You don't want to make a fool out of yourself. You don't want to look insecure either. That's a turn off. Stay cool, calm, collective and CONFIDENT. It's best not to go running over to them like a wild ragging bull with fear in your eyes. All that is going to do is give the other woman more ammunition to be mischievous, because she will play on your insecurities. Now see, this is were your appearance comes into place too. Many posts ago, I did A Wardrobe That Works. At least you will be looking hot and feeling confident if/when approaching your husband.

It is your husband's responsibility to address the female/friend and set that boundary. Now this is the part we wives have no control over. The only thing you can do at this time is to somewhat wait it out and PRAY for God's grace, peace, and His mercy not to slap her. If your husband thinks that there was nothing wrong with him entertaining the flirtatious female or friend then you are going to have to pray and keep your cool (in the public eye), cry and vent later.

Overall, it's disrespectful to you. Whether if your husband doesn't see anything wrong or thinks it's all fun and games, if he's a real man of God, then he will respect your wishes and have that boundary set up. The two of you must agree. Would he like it if it was the other way around? Like I thought!

Golden wives, all I can't address all the possible scenarios of this situation. However, the greater One is inside of you. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and wisdom. If you are in a public place, quickly go to the bathroom and say a prayer. God will ANSWER! God will intervene on your behalf where you may not have to do or say anything.

TESTIMONY

FYI: I remember the Lord instructed me to HUG the female that was flirtatious and trying to get with my husband (mind you she was a Judas, ehemm I mean, 'friend'). I fought and fought God on this. After a while I was having dreams of me hugging her and wishing her well. So I knew what I had to do. Sure enough, a week later, we ran into each other at Dunkin Doughnuts and I wanted my emotions to get the best of me, but instead I gave her the biggest bear hug ever. She was surprised and confused looking, yet she had somewhat of shame on her face. Oh yes, it was an awkward moment, but I felt at peace and forgiveness came in my heart towards her. It brought healing and closure to me and I felt like the bigger/better person. Now she tries and invite me to her things, converse, you know, build that friendship up again. I still take it slow with her, but God knew what He was doing. Thank You Jesus! Are we not to walk in unconditional love?