September 17, 2009

Spying on the Husband

Sooner or later in the marriage you will find yourself at a place where you may spy on your spouse. Rummaging through his text messages, deleted emails, drawers, pants, wallet, and whatever else your pretty little head can think of may not always be the answer.
However, it is the intentions of it all. You know the very reason why you are doing it if you are doing it. Are you just being nosey? Did he leave any personal information open, so now it's convenient to check? You feel like something isn't right in the marriage? Did you hear a rumor?Could it be that you are insecure? Whatever the reason maybe, good or bad, it's best to ask yourself, why before you go playing 'I Spy'.

Before you do such an act, remember to prepare yourself of what you may find. Or, you may not find anything to confront your husband with. If so, then it's best not to continue to snoop or pry in his things. It's almost like you are looking for something that is not there.

There have been plenty of times where I have snooped around. My reason of justifying the behavior was because he was giving me a reason too at the time. I wanted answers right then and there. Unfortunately, my husband didn't want to talk. He kept to himself and there were red flags of infidelity. So me being puzzled and confused, I would go through anything of his. All this did was made things worse. I had no peace, I was always plotting my next 'spy' move, worried became my first name, I was paranoid, and just plan acting out of character.
Your best bet is to pray and ask God for peace and guidance in all situations in the marriage. God knows and sees all of what your spouse is/not doing, so it's best to take it to the throne. The Lord will give or show you answers. It maybe through conversation you and your husband may have, it could be an open email, text, etc. that the husband forgot to close out, so now it's accessible to you, or it could be a conversation with a family or friend. However you get your answer, ask God to laminate your heart. If he's willing to talk, then have a discussion of what/how you are feeling. Remember to be patient through it all. Some men need time to collect their thoughts. I heard that their thought process is different from women. So again, be patience.
Yours truly,


Dabizniz said...

I know this is for ladies but now I do the snooping

Lady A said...

@Dabizniz, lol, lol. Thank you for sharing. Are you just being nosey or is she giving you a reason to snoop?

Dabizniz said...

she gave me a reason for sure

Lady A said...

Sorry to hear that, I hope things are better now. I totally understand. Been there several times myself. Not easy, but all I can say is God's Grace!

Fran said...

Hmmnn, I think most ladies are guilty of this one, but usually for a reason. No one would snoop around if there was absolutely no cause for alarm or any doubts.

You are right about taking any such situation to God in prayer. He alone truly sees and knows it all.

Lady A said...

Fran, lol, I know and so true. God help us and our spouses! thanks for the love.

Mike said...

If a partner starts thinking of snooping, it is very likely there are suspicions of infedelity going on.
Why does infedelity start? Most of the time, to satisfy a sexual or emotional need.
Instead fo following that urge to snoop around, ask yourself if you are fulfilling partner's emotional needs. Ask yourself if you are fulfilling partner's sexual needs. Chances are, you are doing less that you did when you first met. Put all pride aside and make the first move to breathe that "new couple" life back into the relationship. You will be amazed at the results. Win-win situation!
If that is too much work, go ahead and snoop around. You won't like what you find out and you will get hurt. Not exactly a winning situation unless you consider a divorce settlement as victory.

Lady A said...

Thank you Mike. However it's not always 'fullfillment of partner's sexual needs or emotional needs.' My case was different being on both sides of the fence.
The answer you gave will help many, so I thank you for that since it seemingly is the case for some couples (lack of sexual/emotional needs).
Pls continue to share, thanks for reading!

temmy tayo said...

''An open email''. God sure has ways of exposing stuff at the right time.

Lady A said...

Girl, say it AGAIN!!!! I have stories of how God revealed things in the marriage. God is faithful!

Lady A said...

@Mike, I didn't publish your comment because you had your email posted which is personal info. However, you could still ask on here and I'll post. or if you just me to email u, I'll do so...let me know asap

Mike said...

Thanks Lady A.
Enlighten me; outside of sexual & emotional needs, what else would prompt infidelity.
I have been thinking, & I easily classify all factors that come up into these 2 categories alone.
e.g. Respect. That falls under "emotional needs" class.
If too personal to respond, please email me.

Lady A said...

@Mike, I will post your question on here. Never too personal! Matter of fact this is vital information for wives (and now hubsands or whatever). I am more then happy to address the issue, so stay tuned this week!

Simi Speaks said...

ummm. deep stuff.. and guess what?!

am 110% guilty as charged. lol. I’m the master of all snoopers! lol.

At first it was out of plain curiosity. At the end of day, I did it becos of my own insecurity!

I vowed to myself I would never snoop for several reasons.

1) It didn’t give me peace. I end up freaking out at the simplest of things or gestures. It always messed up my sleep. Which made for a grumpy wife.

2) I can’t stop any infidelity that could happen. Only him can make that choice. my prayer is that God will be there to guide him when the strongest of temptations arise.

3) I just had to deal with my own insecurity and realize that it would be mighty hard to replace me. Am a.k.a wife, mother, cook, porn star, financial advisor, business partner, career advisor, housekeeper, school teacher, prayer warrior, beauty queen, masseuse, stylist all ROLLED UP in one being!! lol.

A great prayer point that I have come to love and cherish is that “God grants me peace that surpasses all understanding in the midst of the storms”. It works. When I start to get suspicious, I pray for peace. When I feel the urge to snoop, I pray for peace. It works. It really does. That urge gets replaced with a sense of calm and security. No need to panic or fret

long time, how u been?

Lady A said...

SIMI!!!!!! Girl, how are you?! It's only been 12yrs, lol, lol.
Those were some great points you made and I hope others read and learn from it. I can second everything that you said and you do lose sleep over it! We are a lot to the husbands. God gives us the grace to be #3 and the Prov. 31 too,lol. All is are you? We miss you too!