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October 25, 2009

Don't Make Him Guess What You Want


To men, your silence means one thing: that everything is just fine with you the way things are. To him, if you are not requesting, demanding, or protesting anything, nothing's broke; and if it ain't broke he won't try to fix it. The best thing you could do for him and for yourself is to ask for what you want. There's no guarantee that you'll always get it, but at least you give him something clear and concrete to either deliver or deny. He can use his energy to respond to your need, rather than to guess what it is.

A common false belief, held by many women who love men, is that real love means either: (a) He should already know what I want or need; or (b) If he doesn't know he should take it upon himself to ask,and ask, and ask...Men are much better at loving by giving and doing, than at asking and guessing. To get the best of his love, open our mouth and state your case.
Men love to satisfy their women's desires. It makes them feel quite capable and needed (both of which they love). Men despise hopping around to supply every selfish whim or wish-list item that their women make known. It makes them feel exploited. If you clearly communicate to him what you truly appreciate, believe me, he'll let you know one way or the other where he stands.

Say it: "I will never be without what I desire from the man I love because I did not make it known. He will know it because I will say it."
Do it: " What do you want from him that you are not clearly making known to him? Before you ask him, ask yourself: Is this a realistic request? Is he the right person to ask it of? Is this the right time? If the answer is no to any one of these, table or trash your request. If the answer is yes, calmly, clearly, kindly ask for what you want.---Dr. Ronn Elmore

5 comments:

Myne Whitman said...

We human beings are not mind readers. I can't do it and I don't expect my SO to . Nice write-up. Thanks for sharing.

Lady A said...

Exactly! It's best to be up front. Np!

ttlolla said...

am learning ooo. i will always ask

Femme Lounge said...

you hit the nail in the head gurl! i have always believed that if he isnt getting you right, then tell him what you want.

keeping quiet and waiting for him to read your mind, will only make you resentful and that will even hurt you more.

Lady A said...

@Femme, exactly! I have done it the wrong way too many times, but now I speak out! Thanks!