October 06, 2009

How To Handle the Female Friend Who Likes Your Husband

During your marriage life, you may really need to be selective of the female friends you may have around your husband and in your home. All are not always out for your best interest. Some maybe secretly jealous of your marriage, just plain ole lonely, and some could even have a crush on your husband.
You will know who the 'Judas' is just by body language, word choice, and the always concerned what your husband whereabouts are.

One of the body languages could be the constant flirting, light touching which normally goes with the ongoing giggles and laughter, and the famous eye balling. Quick sneak glances or stares at your husband are just a few of the signs. Also, the constant being in his face is another dead give away your female friend may likes your husband.

Word choices are also possible red flags of a female friend liking you husband. Subtle hints or messages in conversation with your husband are the big and obvious crush signs. Wives, please do not be naive! Take notice of what my be going on. Just keep on eye out. I understand somethings may not always appear of what it seems, however just keep note of what is going on.

Last by not least, when the female friend is always asking about your husband. His likes, dislikes, questions of "is he home?", what time does he get off, personal questions and the list goes on. Wives can I suggest something. Be VERY reluctant of giving your husband's cell phone number to a female friend. Things happen or innocent reasons of her having his number may occur, but please, by all means, avoid it! This could hit you in the face later down the line. I'll give a quick scenario: Girlfriend is going through, ie pain, breakup, lost of..., or just need someone to talk to. She calls everyone on her contact but no one is available (We all have had those days). She's desperate. She sees your hubby's number. She calls, they talk, he soothes her over, and they both enjoy each other's conversation. Later, he may call to check up on her or she may call back thanking him for giving his time and concern. A little innocent bond is now made. Later, possibly you got in a fight with the husband. He wants to vent and talk to someone so he calls "her". She soothes him over assuring him it's ok. Next thing could happen, he gives her subtle compliments and vice versa. To make it short, feelings may start to surface and need I say more. You can play with the story, doesn't have to happen like that, but you all know where I'm coming from.

When in the public eye and a female or even a friend is constantly flirting with your husband, STAY CALM. I cannot stress this enough. You don't want to make a fool out of yourself. You don't want to look insecure either. That's a turn off. Stay cool, calm, collective and CONFIDENT. It's best not to go running over to them like a wild ragging bull with fear in your eyes. All that is going to do is give the other woman more ammunition to be mischievous, because she will play on your insecurities. Now see, this is were your appearance comes into place too. Many posts ago, I did A Wardrobe That Works. At least you will be looking hot and feeling confident if/when approaching your husband.

It is your husband's responsibility to address the female/friend and set that boundary. Now this is the part we wives have no control over. The only thing you can do at this time is to somewhat wait it out and PRAY for God's grace, peace, and His mercy not to slap her. If your husband thinks that there was nothing wrong with him entertaining the flirtatious female or friend then you are going to have to pray and keep your cool (in the public eye), cry and vent later.
Overall, it's disrespectful to you. Whether if your husband doesn't see anything wrong or thinks it's all fun and games, if he's a real man of God, then he will respect your wishes and have that boundary set up. The two of you must agree. Would he like it if it was the other way around? Like I thought!

Golden wives, all I can't address all the possible scenarios of this situation. However, the greater One is inside of you. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and wisdom. If you are in a public place, quickly go to the bathroom and say a prayer. God will ANSWER! God will intervene on your behalf where you may not have to do or say anything.

FYI: I remember the Lord instructed me to HUG the female that was flirtatious and trying to get with my husband (mind you she was a Judas, ehemm I mean, 'friend'). I fought and fought God on this. After a while I was having dreams of me hugging her and wishing her well. So I knew what I had to do. Sure enough, a week later, we ran into each other at Dunkin Doughnuts and I wanted my emotions to get the best of me, but instead I gave her the biggest bear hug ever. She was surprised and confused looking, yet she had somewhat of shame on her face. Oh yes, it was an awkward moment, but I felt at peace and forgiveness came in my heart towards her. It brought healing and closure to me and I felt like the bigger/better person. Now she tries and invite me to her things, converse, you know, build that friendship up again. I still take it slow with her, but God knew what He was doing. Thank You Jesus! Are we not to walk in unconditional love?


Fran said...

Can't believe its gone almost 2 weeks since I visited this site. Started work and the sudden change in my daily schedule really caught me by surprise.

Anyway, this post is so insightful... God save us from such female judas'... I mean

Lady A said...

Yahhh, FRAN! Congrats on the job! Girl, that's how life is. Glad it was insightful, thanks!

NewLife said...

Hi lady A,
I meant to comment on this earlier. You know this is a major challenge, I have a couple of "friends" who are related by the way, that have rubbed me the wrong way. Its like once they see my husband, especially one of them, she doesnt even acknowledge my presence, she oows and aahs over him, although not physically, won bi da lol
she tries to invite herself over, ofcourse I decline based on my busy schedule, I dont like to pick up her calls, she constantly tries to invite us to things, and Im like whats the fuss all of a sudden, abeg o
Ive always felt like she was jealous of me, even back in my single days, but I blew it off

Im a christain, but i think I have a little bit of resentment. My guard is way up, God help me.

sorry I had to vent.

Lady A said...

@NewLife, I have experienced everything you just said many times in my marriage. Major red flag! She likes your husband and when she invites you guys to things, she really is inviting him. When a 'friend' doesn't acknowledge you but yet all in his face, all that is doing is showing you what's in her heart and how she really feels. You are doing a good job keeping her at a distant.
You need to address her and have a heart to heart conversation. BUT, before you do, you must and I do mean MUST, go before God and and ask for 4giveness concerning the resentment in your heart towards your friend. By doing this, then God will be able to show, tell, give you instructions on how to handle this in a peaceful respectable way. Be honest with her. She is being disrespectful and over stepping her boundaries. Do ask her this, 'how would she feel if it was done to her?" I think she got some past issues with you like you said, she was jealous of you even in your singlehood.
You guys need to put everything out on the table and make amends.
I understand how you are feeling, you shouldn't have to feel like Guard Dog in the marriage. We wives can only do so much. Put it in God's hand and seek Him. Trust me, He'll show you how to go about it. Don't run out and do your own thing out of emotion, you might regret it later.
Yeah, I think this issues goes further then her liking your hubby...she for some reason probably resents you too.

It's ok to vent from time to time. No need to have it bottled up just so you later blow up! I hope I was of help. Don't worry, this too will pass.

NewLife said...

I thank you immensely lady A. Prior to this I had not been able to discuss it with anyone, yet it weighed heavy on my heart. You were very helpful and May God bless you and your hubby far beyond all you ever hoped or prayed for. Amen

John mills said...

I m TASHA from U.S.A,My ex lover now [husband] is back and we are happily married with kids and i m here to gave thanks and appreciation to Dr IRABOR the spell caster of for all the time He stood by me,for all the truth He make me see,for all the happiness He brought into my life,for all the wrongs He make right,for every of my dreams He make come through and for the help i found in Him,i am grateful and thankful unto Him,He was the one that helped me all,He never let me fall,He was the one that saw me through it all,He was my source of strength when i was weak,He was my voice when i couldn`t speak,He was my eyes when i couldn`t see,{spiritualy}He saw the pain wasn`t good for me,He lifted me were i couldn`t reach,i m everything i m today because He helped me,i m so happy my husband is back in my life at last,His email is,A temple were sorrows are dropped and happiness is gain in return.